Don't ever think libraries aren't cool. If free books, movies and Internet aren't enough, answer this question: Do you wanna get kinky at the library? Well, do you? Even if you already have, it probably wasn't quite like what the Friends of the Dallas Public Library have in store. For its annual Fall Fundraising Author's Dinner, the Friends features that infamous musician, author and governor hopeful Kinky Friedman (and Little Jewford) as the guest of honor. This serves as the group's primary fund-raiser, earning money and support for the libraries of Dallas. In fact, renovations to the central branch downtown are on the horizon as the group begins its campaign to raise a whopping $4 million for the project. That makes for an interesting choice in Mr. Friedman. After all, are all the hoity-toities going to fork over the cash while a man once described as Irreverence Bordering on Insult is at the podium? This is the man who wrote the feminist classic, "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed." And you can't forget "Ride 'em Jewboy" or "The Ballad of Charles Whitman" (you know, the UT tower rifleman). But maybe he's toned down his way of pissing off people--especially considering his run for public office. We hope not. Kudos to the Friends for a brave selection. Let's see if all our redneck buddies can show up them frou-frous at Thursday's 6:30 p.m. dinner at the Hyatt Regency, 300 Reunion Blvd. Tickets are $100 and reservations are required. Hey, we say seeing how many librarians get their feathers ruffled with Kinky's rants and raves is well worth a C-note. Call 214-670-1458. --Rich Lopez
Lynde-ing a Laugh
Occupying the same space as a more recently incumbent Whoopi Goldberg, Paul Lynde was a fixture of Hollywood Squares from 1968 to 1979. Lynde was the saucy one who'd answer questions like, "Do female frogs croak?" with "If you hold their little heads under water." And if Paul's comedic charm was easy, many of the things he lived with on a daily basis weren't. He was as gay as Charles Nelson Reilly's scarf, you see, and that proved taxing given his tenure in the public eye. Find out more this Thursday at 7 p.m. as Crossroads Market Bookstore features Steve Wilson, co-author of Center Square: The Paul Lynde Story. He'll be reading from the new biography and screening corresponding clips for this deserving tribute. Find Crossroads Market at 3930 Cedar Springs Road. Call 214-521-8919. --Matt Hursh
Fashion Bites
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy subjects can't pick and choose their upgrades. Say they like their décor but hate their haircut; chances are they'll lose that beloved recliner in pursuit of the perfect faux-hawk. Shag carpets and bunny slippers are safe for now, though, as one Queer Eye expert has taken his part of the show out of guys' houses and on the road. Ted Allen, the Fab Five's culinary expert, is touring the country, signing his book (The Food You Want to Eat: 100 Smart, Simple Recipes) and conducting classes for those who want to step up their kitchen abilities without sacrificing their pleated pants. Allen appears Wednesday, from 4:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m., at Sur La Table, 4527 Travis St. Class follows at 6:30 p.m. and costs $85. Reservations are required for both events. Call 214-219-4404. --S. Anne Durham Kill It and Grill It
I once caught an episode of Late Night with Conan O' Brien where Ted Nugent enthusiastically claimed that his idea of fast food was an elk. While I'm not generally a fan of right-wing heavy-metal gun nuts, it's hard not to respect a statement like that. Think about it: Some hunters might waste the meat of a trophy animal, but the Nuge cooks it up and feeds it to his family. That's fairly upstanding. If that kind of thing makes your mouth water, you would be wise to check out "Yes, Deer!", a game cooking class hosted by Rough Creek Lodge's Gerard Thompson and 62 Main chef/owner David McMillan. Saturday's class will feature recipes for venison and rabbit as well as "refreshing adult beverages." Just follow the sweet smell of grilled Bambi to 62 Main Restaurant, 62 Main St. in Colleyville. But it isn't cheap to live off the land, so bring $35 for admission. The class runs from 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. Call 817-605-0850 or visit www.62MainRestaurant.com. --Noah W. Bailey
Not My FBI
Back when swingin' Bill Clinton ruled the school, FBI director Louis Freeh was the dorky hall monitor, always pestering Monica for her hall pass but never noticing the pipe bomb that goth kid Osama Bin Laden was building in shop class. Apparently, Freeh never got over those high school grudges--his new memoir, My FBI, is the literary equivalent of rolling up to their 5-year reunion in a rented Beemer. Somehow, "Freeh's FBI" becomes "Clinton's FBI" when it comes to the failure on al Qaeda. Freeh also cites unidentified sources to charge that Clinton asked the Saudi leader for a library donation instead of permission to interrogate the 1996 Khobar Towers bombing suspects. My FBI may yet get Freeh elected king of the Republican prom. The former top cop speaks at 11:30 a.m. Thursday for the World Affairs Council luncheon at the Hyatt Regency, 300 Reunion Blvd. Tickets are $45 ($35 for Council members). Call 214-965-8400. --Rick Kennedy
