Man on the Street: Reactions to The Onion's Upcoming Dallas Appearance
The incredibly talented and attractive staff of The Onion
The city was bowled over today when it learned that on July 14 two members of The Onion's creative staff will bring the "writers' room" to the stage of the ATTPAC's Winspear. That much satire in one place isn't something we're all used to, excepting Unfair Park's live blogging of city hall meetings.
Plus, the staff is exceptionally attractive. That's also something Dallasites need fair warning to handle, because frankly, it's a toss-up where these Onion folk are going to end up and we want to represent. Ultra lounges need to be buffed accordingly. Non-douchey bars need to be de-odorized (you know who you are). Poles need to be polished.
We're telling you this because it seems the Onion crew isn't just here for a by-rote stage routine they'll be doing in every city. Their PR rep confirmed the staff will be performing a researched Dallas-centric show. Hopefully it peels the layers back on Big D in the most gut-busting way.
But...not all of the city is so excited. Check out our man on the street after the jump.
Tempest Cantwell, Proud Grandmother
This is terrible. First, this endless barrage of burlesque girls shaking their tassled nipples every other weekend. Now we have an onion show?! And why would they call it an onion show? In my day, it was the Chippendales, and we were grateful they left their underpants on.
Stewart Jenkins, Systems Analyst
If they want me to come they better talk about Area Men. As one, I feel I need representation. I'm in a loveless marriage and my kids are total assholes. God, that feels good to say out loud. Don't use that, OK?
Sam Patel, Substitute Teacher
I have waited for this for 30 years. This is going to fucking rule! If Throbbing Gristle opens, I can die happy.
Tarra Jacobi, Sous Chef
But if they investigate Dallas, they could find out that JFK was shot here and no one really knows who did it?! RUN! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Get the Arts & Culture Newsletter
Find out about arts and culture events in Dallas and offers you won't hear about anywhere else.