We're watching Bravo's Most Eligible Dallas every week so you don't have to.
This week, Drew attacks everyone around him. Can't we all just push a buddon that helps us get along?
Scene 1: Tara brings increasingly ubiquitous side character Daylon with her to the vet's office to pick up the dog she stole/rescued in the last episode. Apparently the pooch had "worms in his heart" and needed more than $800 worth of life-saving care. Whew-wee, Tara does love them pups.
Scene 2: Glenn's poon-tang pad has been magically transformed into a house of love by his visiting ex-girlfriend (you know, the one who repeats everything he says, especially when it ends in "babe"). He asks her if they'll continue this love parade when he gets back to Oakland for football season. She plays coy, while sipping Gatorade. Cutaway Glenn, whose giant medallion necklace is obvi Courtney-inspired, doubts he'll have any problem keeping the relationship's momentum. Disappointing, really, considering he was so enjoyable as the show's resident anti-romantic slamhound.
Scene 3: Drew arrives at Daylon's modest apartment, armed with gallons of Diet Coke and sparkling water. Then come Courtney and Tara to join them for a light dinner and heavy dishing. The sushi tray and bevs are taken outside, presumably so Drew can smoke heavily. And the cigarette adds to his sass factor as he attempts but fails to hold his tongue in response to Courtney's theories on taking up with an ex. She opines that once a relationship is dunzo, there's no going back.
Drew, who is still hung up over his moving-to-NYC ex Cody, disagrees. They interrupt each other endlessly. In Courtney's mind, she's being a passionate advocate of "Courtney's Way." Drew, however, thinks she's being a bitch. In cutaway interview, he says he feels that "talking on top of people is her way of walking all over people." The argument escalates, climaxes with Drew calling Courtney a two-faced C-U-Next-Tuesday. At this point, I'm forced to side with Court, who remains surprisingly calm after the c-bomb. Tara, in cutaway: "I would have fucking launched him over the balcony." But Courtney handles Drew the way all children should be handled, with a calm but firm rejection of his debate style. He finally apologizes, and they're back to their "truce."
Scene 4: Tara gathers future design guru Amber Venz, fellow reality star Angie Barrett and should-be reality star Gregg Asher at her house for the unveiling of Venz's doggy jewelry line. Tara: "I love jewelry, so why shouldn't my dogs have jewelry also? That's just a no-brainer." It's true, Shaniqua and Grace Kelly look fetching in jingly necklaces. But they couldn't give two shits that they're wearing them. They'd be happy with a piece of bacon.
Scene 5: Matt calls up Glenn from his home office to drop some knowledge about a big charity event he's spearheading. Cut to a cast meeting on a rooftop at which Matt will formally present his charity ideas to the gang. Things begin on a sour note, though, as Matt offers known recovering alcoholic Drew a drink. Drew to Matt: "How many times have you thrown a cocktail at my head? I'm going to have to bitch-slap you next time." Matt to Drew: "You won't bitch-slap me. I promise you that won't happen. But I'll remember because we made a big point of it." Damage done. Soured by Matt's faux pas, Drew decides to publicly question Matt's motivation behind launching this charity event for which he's volunteered everyone's services. Drew: "People are talking in this town, saying that this is the biggest douchebag move." Matt: "Hey, when I'm doing charity work, I can care less about what someone says, bro." Oh no he didn't pull out the condescending "bro"! As you can imagine, the tension multiplies with each passing second. Cutaway Drew: "There's something about this charity that just seems ... rushed." Subtext: "I hate Matt because he's a big fat poopy head." To be resolved later in the episode ...
Scene 6: Courtney gives Matt a ringy-dingy during her daily commute, and Matt suggests that the two go on a double date. She'll bring her South African prince, and he'll bring Neill. Next, we see everyone involved preparing for said date. Matt arrives at Neill's in his standard black-shirt getup, has a man-to-man talk with li'l Maje while mommy gets ready for her hard-fun evening out. Maje takes to Matt right away, disproving that theory about small children being the best judges of character.
Scene 7: Let the double-date disaster begin. Cutaway Neill: "This is a really, really awkward dynamic. We're on a date with a girl who would love to be with my date. And then there's Mark, bless his little heart." Matt and South Africa (his real name is "Mark," apparently) measure peni across the Tillman's Roadhouse dinner table, comparing stories about being helicoptered into Nascar events. Matt name-drops Jimmy Johnson. "You're in a one-upping mood tonight," Courtney says to Matt, making sure that the evening's awkwardness will live on. The couples go their separate ways, engage in date-ending kisses.
Scene 8: Another "Matt Gets Charitable" confab, this time in the planned event space. The gang's here to taste menu items with the caterer. But Drew is here to make sure he's not lending his "family's name" to a bunk-ass charity. He openly questions Matt about his motivations. Eventually, they step aside for a private talk. Drew finally says he's not attaching his name to the event, because it's most likely a vanity project. Matt calls bullshit, says he feels the move is personal, gets in an alcoholism-related dig as Drew exits dramatically. Tara and Daylon try to talk Drew down. Dee-rama.
Scene 9: Short scene. Courtney calls Matt for advice on changing the battery in her beeping smoke detector. "This is what I need a boyfriend forrrr!" she bellows.
Scene 10: Tara throws a fund-raising party for Paws in the City, the centerpiece of which will be Amber Venz's doggy jewelry line. Matt and Drew are both in attendance. Truce time! Matt approaches Smoking Drew on the balcony, apologizes for the alcohol comment from the other night. Drew responds by accepting the apology and telling Matt he has beautiful eyes. Cutaway Matt: "Drew, to me, is the definition of extreme emotion. ... He'll wanna rip your head off, or he'll wanna put a shirt on your back." Or take one off it. Hey-o!
Scene 11: Glenn and his sexy ex-y prepare for a little gathering at his place before a night out at the Granada. Cast members arrive, hug Rebecca (OK, I have to use her name at some point). Court corners Rebecca in the kitchen to question her about her future plans with Glenn, which isn't inappropriate chatter for total strangers at all. Cut to the arrival at the Granada for a Brett Dennen concert.
The cast is perched in a balcony space, sharing Vodka-Red Bulls and nodding along to the music. Matt watches Neill dance, creepily. Court watches Matt watch Neill dance, jealously. She finally realizes he's gaga over this girl. Her mood goes downhill with each successive cocktail. Matt tries to hug Court at the end of the night; she inches away and says repeatedly that she wants to go home.
Drew, of all people, recognizes the tension and gives Matt a bit of Dr. Phil wisdom outside: "Maybe she's in love with you. I mean, have you really thought about that one?" And we're all the way back to that tired, old storyline.
We really need more Gregg Asher!
