No, A Pea In The Pod, That Is Not the Perfect Easter Maternity Outfit

Oh yeah. Being shaped like a giant-beer-gutted man totally makes you feel like wearing white pants.
Oh yeah. Being shaped like a giant-beer-gutted man totally makes you feel like wearing white pants.

I bought something from A Pea In The Pod recently, because I'm making a person and I need making-a-person clothes. When you check out at the register at this place, before they let you pay for their super expensive clothing, they ask you a shit ton of questions that may or may not include: the birth date of your soon-to-be-child, your email address, your favorite color, your Social Security Number and whether or not you like cheese pizza and Ryan Gosling.

And then you get home and you start getting all these A Pea In The Pod emails. Most of them suggest outfits for your new, temporarily weird-shaped body.

I received one such email yesterday. "Easter Style Made Simple," read the subject line. I thought, "Finally! Simple Easter clothing. In the past, Easter clothes have been so complicated! But A Pea In The Pod is here to help me out!"

And then I opened the email and saw this:

Oh yeah. Being shaped like a giant-beer-gutted man totally makes you feel like wearing white pants.
Oh yeah. Being shaped like a giant-beer-gutted man totally makes you feel like wearing white pants.

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The hell? No, A Pea In The Pod. This is not the perfect pregnant lady outfit for Easter.

You really went with recommending white pants? Brilliant. I totally want to wear white pants right about now, when I can't even see the back of my ass to check to make sure it's not covered in pickle juice from the jar of pickle spears I just downed. (This actually just happened).

And does this outfit magically make you not look pregnant at all anymore, or is this chick in the ad just in her first week of baby building? If it's magic, I know it's too expensive for me. If it's that the chick isn't even showing yet and you're telling me this is the perfect outfit for me, you're so many wrong. My current person-making gut would bust through the buttons of that top in a baby heartbeat. I suppose that would "Make a Spring Statement," though. Statement being: "(Everyone cries!)"

Sorry, A Pea In The Pod, I won't be wearing your magic-white-pants get-up this Easter. I willl be rocking this Easter Egg Costume, because it, and only it, is the perfect pregnant lady Easter outfit:


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