Question: What do you get when you mix a serious lack of productivity with a bunch of crazies who make too much money and who take themselves far too seriously? Answer: The Texas Rangers (though the United Nations or any French diplomat would have been acceptable answers). The good news here is that it costs a family of four less money to make a trip to the Ballpark in Arlington than it does to make the trek to NYC to visit the UN, slightly less, but still...With the Rangers playing their home opener this week, you'll once again be able to pay anywhere from $5 (grandstands) to $55 (club infield) to watch a team that finished 31 games out of first place in the American League West last season. Yeah. For those prices, they ought to let you sit next to new manager Buck Showalter. But hey, if you stick around until the seventh inning, there's a good chance they'll let you pitch. OK: Seattle is in town April 4 through April 6, then it's Oakland that comes calling April 8 through April 10. The Ballpark in Arlington, 1000 Ballpark Way. For more, or better, information, call 817-273-5100. --John Gonzalez
In the Swing
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Never understood golf. Really never understood the fashions it has inspired. But a gazillion bored rich guys can't be wrong, right? On April 6, golfers will have a chance to get their fairway fix and help out a good cause. Proceeds from the Sunday Swing Golf Classic will benefit the Arthritis Foundation and the Texas Scottish Rite Hospital for Children, a pediatric center for the treatment of orthopedic conditions, neurological disorders and learning disabilities. The tournament will be held at the Lantana Golf Course, located between Denton and Flower Mound, at noon. The price for a playing spot starts at $150, and $5,000 will get you eight playing spots and a bunch of other extras. Call 940-383-3786. --Rhonda Reinhart
On the Track Again
Lone Star gets the Willies
A torture chamber for possums? A rabbit with a BB in its butt? No, it's Willie Nelson's off-key twangin', so that must mean it's the start of Lone Star Park's new racing season. Nelson is back to perform on the second day of the 70-date Thoroughbred meet, which offers the kind of sights and sounds I prefer. The Grand Prairie track--one of Thoroughbred racing's unequivocal success stories--is kicking off its seventh year. Expect quality mid-tier racing in pleasant, clean and fan-friendly environs. Racing begins Thursday at 6:35 p.m. On Friday, Nelson's performance is free with a $3 general admission to racing. People who arrive after 9 p.m. will be charged $10 to enter; the concert starts after the final race. So come early and place a bet on a sweeter-sounding nag. Call 972-263-RACE. --Julie Lyons