There are still some free passes available for this Saturday's simulcast of The Magic Flute at Dallas Cowboys Stadium, or so says the press release that scampered across my inbox. I stomped on the thing, shook it out and noticed a fun fact: according to TDO and WRR Classical 101.1 fm, There Will Be Tailgating!
Beginning at 5 p.m. in lot 5, opera's frattiest fans will weirdly merge entertainment genres for two, brief hours. (If you haven't heard, TDO will simulcast Mozart's bazaarly masonic-inspired work The Magic Flute for free, with free parking this Saturday at Cowboys Stadium. Look out, I might be sitting next to you with a foam "We're #1" finger.) Since tailgating at the opera is new territory to most, we wanted to lend a neighborly hand and give a few pointers. We can't help you out with the "Opera Karaoke" portion though, that's all you.
Opera tailgating party pack essentials:
The Beer Can Helmet, Re-Imagined. Canned beer is for blue-collar, flat tax-dodging, open soar-leaking bar flys. No Mozart lover would be caught wearing one of those early model beer can hats, now if it was redesigned to hold champagne bottles... Pop this on your dome, crank up that rare The Met Does Jock Jams IV cd, and brace yourself for an inappropriate Spring Break dancing pre-party. If you really want to kick it up a notch, add a cigar cozy.
Assorted Must-Haves: Wings from albino quails slathered up in varied degrees of spiciness and served by a robot butler, like that little scamp from Rocky IV. Fine china -- because we aren't animals. Also, anything schnitzeld -- it's Mozart, after all.
$100 Hot Dogs, For Everyone The $26 dollar hot dog across the way at Texas Rangers Stadium is appealing due to its overinflated price point, but the size! A two-foot dog is so unbecoming, how about having a case of these shipped? This Vancouver-birthed, cognac-soaked hot dog is topped with truffles, Kobe beef, lobster and spices, but you'll probably want to gussy it further with a caviar relish. Added bonus, it tops out at more than $100 bucks a wiener. Ain't life grand?
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Swarovsky Crystal Binoculars Your opera glasses will not save you here, in the arena of reverberation. Go big and sporty: get binoculars that look like they devoured your opera glasses in a fit of impulse snacking, like these. These bad boys will let you snoop on your tailgating neighbors to see exactly what type of rub they're using on their pan-seared tuna steaks. And once inside, they'll give you an added edge for watching on the Jumbotron. Pulling a price tag of $899.00, those around you will know that you are not to be trifled with.
Don't Wear That Mozart Is My Homeboy Tee-Shirt This is a rookie move. You never wear a concert tee-shirt of the band you're seeing that night. I'm afraid that the same applies to opera. I know, it's a drag because you really don't have that many occasions to wear the thing. Lesson learned: You did order it in a fit of drunk onlineshopping while watching old versions of Don Giovanni. Another opportunity will present itself, and if it doesn't, you can always wear it while trolling for ladies in the classics section of Half-Priced Books. For Saturday's purposes, It's better to go vague with your clothing's opera reference. If you feel compelled to look the part, try this '80s style "Attack of the Killer High Cs" shirt. Gals, line forms to the left.