Ron Jeremy's got nuthin' but love for you, honey.
Ron Jeremy's got nuthin' but love for you, honey.

The Man Show

Urban renewal can only hide the truth; it can't change it, and the truth is that Dallas has a seedy underbelly. Dallas is no Amsterdam, of course, in that Big D maintains a kind of kitschy, '50s-style sleaze that retains a certain degree of innocence, aligning itself more with Bettie Page than any of the more contemporary "adult entertainment" stars.

So although a demand exists for more modern, aughts-style sexscapades (look to the back pages of this publication for proof), what this area seems to offer best is a link to the past: cowboys, country music and fossil fuels. Anything else it has to import.

To that end, we look to the No. 1 exporter of modern sleaze, Los Angeles, which provides the world with much sordidness, be it in the form of adult or major-studio entertainment. From L.A. we see the validation of hair-metal, of one-man commando armies, of awkwardly paired cop-buddy duos, of--in the case of its adult entertainment industry--easy, no-strings-attached sexual encounters.

As implausible as most of the plots (if there is any plot at all) may be in your garden-variety adult video (sometimes referred to on the street as "porn"), sex does sell, and perhaps no one knows this better than porn star-turned-celebrity Ron Jeremy. Riding the wave of KY Jelly-to-celebrity status is no small feat. Jeremy has admitted his popularity stems from the fact that the common schlub can identify with Jeremy's, ah, less-than-chiseled frame. (It's hard to tell if what's going on onscreen is in fact really pornographic when he's around because his belly masks the action from most angles.) But just as much credit can be given to Jeremy's sense of humor: He doesn't take himself or what he's doing seriously--or, more accurately, he doesn't take his good-natured willingness to do anything at all very seriously.

Whatever the case, his career track has led him, as many of his porn contemporaries, to make cameo appearances in mainstream productions. Most recently, Jeremy lent his name to Los Angeles' most recent entertainment export: Ron Jeremy's S&M Side Show. Part show and part celebrity sighting, the biggest lure would be to see Jeremy "The Hedgehog" himself--the press release, which at least spells the word "come" properly, is headlined, "Upcoming Events: World Famous Dick!!!"--and to of course have some voyeuristic thrills. We can't imagine there will be much more than watching going on. Considering the demographic this production is shooting for, the girl-to-guy ratio promises to be a little lopsided toward the dudes.

In keeping with Jeremy's affable personality, the S&M Side Show brand of degradation promises to be in good fun, if not in good taste. There may be nothing of "the nasty," but there will be cherry pie- and banana pie-eating contests, female oil wrestling, dancers, Jeremy himself doing some stand-up comedy and enduring a Q&A session, as well as a couple of attractions so loosely hidden behind the veil of double entendre that we can't bring ourselves to mention them. As if we haven't said enough already. Sorry, Mom.


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