This Week's Top Five TV Moments

1. Mad Men I can't get the image out of my mind. You know what I'm talking about. A certain partner, hanging lifeless on a certain door of a certain office. ... Oh, you know what? Screw you if you're sensitive to spoilers. Get caught up like the rest of us. LANE IS DEAD. AND DON KILLED HIM. Well, not really. Usually, people who are fired for stealing money - and given a chance to exit gracefully, regardless of what they did -- find a way to reclaim their dignity and move on. But Lane was a troubled chap, and nobody around him understood the depths of his depression. Particularly not his wife, a spendthrift who thought it'd be a great idea to buy a him a Jag to celebrate what she thought was his growing success. A Jag that wouldn't even start during Lane's first suicide attempt of the episode. Dark times at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. Dark times, indeed.

2. Game of Thrones Ahem, did we say last week that the dragons were nowhere near killing with their fire? [Gulp.] Well, it might help if we read the books or something. Daenerys managed to save her scaly offspring in the Season 2 finale, and she even commanded them to set their creepy captor ablaze. We wouldn't think such a sorcerer-like character would be so easy to kill, but who knows what's to come? [Note to self: Order books on Amazon.] Our real reason for anticipating Season 3, though, is to see Jon Snow finally get some nookie. You know he's gonna do it with that crass-ass redhead who outwitted him. Same goes for King Joffrey. He's got a new bride-to-be now, and she's much more persuasive when it comes to sessual relashuns. Favorite shot of the finale? Sansa's secret smile upon finding out that she was no longer obligated to wed that wicked little fucker.

3. Longmire What it is, a "modern western mystery," anyway? You'll find out if you start watching Longmire, the new A&E series brought to you by the team behind The Closer. But this one, to me, is much better, if only because lead actor Robert Taylor is a bright shining stahhh in the making. He's subtle but deep as Walt Longmire, a Wyoming sheriff who's fighting for his job and grieving his lost wife, simultaneously. He's surrounded by lesser cops, so he's the one finding all the clues and solving the mysteries, from his big ol' truck and his ranch-like abode. Oh, and did we mention that Lou Diamond Phillips pops up as his confidante from the reservation? Didn't realize we missed ol' Lou so much. Longmire's based on a series of novels by Craig Johnson. We like this novels-becoming-TV thing. It's worked out well so far.

4. My Big Redneck Vacation Strangely enough, this CMT series is NOT based on literature. It's a simple, stupid reality show about a beer-swiggin' redneck family on a trip to England. All the stereotypes are played up almost offensively, but I don't give a shit. It's mindless fun, and I've already seen enough Kardashian reruns for a lifetime.

5. Cajun Pawn Stars Look, I get kind of tired of the original Vegas edition, only because it's started exploring the lives of the show's stars too much. I honestly don't care that much about the dynamic between Rick and his son, Big Hoss. Plus, Big Hoss (I just like typing that) is now conducting more on-camera transactions. He's neither as knowledgeable nor as happily condescending as his father. Therefore, I've switched to the Cajun, Louisiana spin-off, which features stranger items (including live and dead animals) and more shop regulars. I enjoy the familiarity between the staff and the folks trying to unload their shit for a few extra buckeroonis. Spin-offs and copies of these service reality shows aren't always great (like those Storage Wars knockoffs ... yuck), but this one's a keeper.

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