I know what you're thinking: "Penitentiary III? But Penitentiary II has Mr. T."
Oh, you weren't thinking that? Well, that's because you have a life and a soul and that little thing in your head that tells you when to stop watching terrible movies.
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On behalf of everyone else, Penitentiary III screens tonight at Texas Theatre as this week's Tuesday Night Trash hairball.
To understand the premise of Penitentiary III, let's use Rocky talk. Imagine if Rocky II had taken a narrative curve and rather than being Stallone's inspirational sage, Mickey became evil and secretly added uppers to Rocky's water, giving him impossible strength. Unaware of his herculean muscular awakening, Rocky then pummels Apollo so hard that he murders him in the ring. We are all saved from the creation of Rockys IV and beyond.
In Penitentiary III, Martel "Too Sweet" Cordone experiences just that. He's then arrested for manslaughter and taken to prison while the world's saddest saxophone offers up a serenade (this movie was made in 1987). Once inside the clink, he's forced to fight in the prison boxing league against an undefeatable flying midget who survives on crack cocaine and pornography.
This flick was truly plucked from the rankest of cinema dumpsters, so roll over to Texas Theatre to see PIII before it decomposes completely and becomes compost. As always, Tuesday Night Trash begins at 9 p.m. and is free.