In a perfect world, a show like Latinologues wouldn't even exist. Ideally, we wouldn't need a series of ethnically centered monologues designed to make us think while we laugh. The Majestic Theatre would have to find something else to host on Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m. Utopian thinking says any individual culture's celebration of perseverance, loyalty and love (through any number of hardships) is shortsighted and vain, since we're all people with no colors and just one race. Of course, this is reality in 2005 in a major United States city. Things aren't perfect, so Rick Najera's acclaimed and award-winning set of performances is not only relevant but necessary 10 years after its premiere. Featuring a revolving cast of established talent on its national tour, Latinologues' Dallas stop gets a welcome two-night stand with Najera (MAD TV), Efren Ramirez (Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite, a film so due a backlash every DVD copy skips from flinching), Eugenio Derbez and Rene Lavan. The performances are mostly in English; the messages are all universal. The Majestic Theatre is at 1925 Elm St. Call Ticketmaster at 214-373-8000 for tickets ($29.50 to $37.50). --Matt Hursh
I Love Lucille II
There's only so much you can say about Liza Minnelli. The daughter of Judy Garland and director Vincente Minnelli. The youngest actress to win a Tony. Liza with a "Z." Cabaret. The marriage to Peter Allen. New York, New York. The pills. Arthur and Arthur 2: On the Rocks. The booze. The marriage to David Gest. Lucille II on Arrested Development. Come on, this is freakin' Liza Minnelli here! So what are you waiting for? Hurry up and get your tickets before she sells out! Liza Minnelli performs Wednesday at 8 p.m. at the Meyerson Symphony Center, 2301 Flora St. Tickets are $35 to $75, benefiting Vogel Alcove Childcare Center for the Homeless. Call 214-528-5576. --Jay Webb
Don't Try This at Home
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Last year, the crowd collectively sucked in its breath for the Command Performance of International Ballet. Feats way beyond the grasp of Joes like us--rommes de jommes and pirouettes or, in laymen's terms, arms and legs gracefully splayed at improbable angles--brought the house to its feet. These are positions I avoid like airplane restrooms and Interstate 35, but to see some of the world's most accomplished ballet dancers do what they do best, I'll definitely skip the gym and scope the year's best ballet event. The Command Performance and its invitation-only companion, La Fête du Ballet, the black-tie post-performance dinner in the Hall of State featuring décor by Neiman Marcus, are TITAS' major fund-raising events of the season with proceeds benefiting CROSSROADS, the educational and outreach program. The performance is at 7 p.m. Saturday at the Music Hall at Fair Park. Tickets are $15 to $150. Visit www.centralticketoffice.com or call the box office at 214-528-5576. --Emily Jacobs