This Is What's Playing at Dan Savage's Amateur Porn Festival at the Texas Theatre

This Is What's Playing at Dan Savage's Amateur Porn Festival at the Texas Theatre
courtesy HUMP

The cornucopia of amateur porn known as HUMP! will grace the Texas Theatre this weekend. Now in its 12th year, the festival is the brainchild – nay, lovechild – of Dan Savage, the writer behind the Savage Love column.

Every film at HUMP! has, at minimum, two things in common: For one, a total dearth of actual porn stars, part of  Savage's attempt at embracing authentic sexual diversity. Two, each film is less than five minutes. Savage describes HUMP! as an occasion where “straight people watch gay porn, vanilla people watch kinky porn, gay people watch lesbian porn. … People laugh, they gasp, sometimes they cover their eyes.” Pshhh. Amateurs..

Here are eight films you could, in theory, catch:

It's Fucking Complicated (Runner Up, Best Humor)
Like grandma always said, good sex requires good communication. In this one, things get sticky for a fictional straight couple after one of them decides they’re into unconventional stuff. Don’t worry! Once they learn to be open, they’re able to break down the barriers keeping them from banging each other’s brains out.

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Fuck on the Mount (Winner, Best Sex)
This one is self explanatory. It’s about an outdoorsy couple taking their affinity for Mother Nature to a higher level. Or should we say elevation, because what happens is, they go to the top of a mountain and have sex. Ah, nature.

A Pervert's Guide to Avoiding Loneliness
Remember your antisocial college roommate who would sulk in the corner at parties strumming an out-of-tune guitar? Pretend you run into him a few years later and he’s picked up a hobby involving an accordion and a jock strap. He wants to sing you a song about his new fetishes and how they’ve impacted his love life, for better or worse. Will you let him?

Playing Scrabble
You know that feeling when, during a game of Scrabble, your opponent keeps trying to play ridiculous words you know are illegal, and it’s making you angry? Ostensibly that’s what happens here, except instead of lashing out in anger, they copulate like rabbits.

Sock Puppet
Sock Puppet is an adorable musical number featuring sock puppets, xylophones and probably other stuff too.

The Little Merman
A merman rescues the man who may or may not be the love of his life. Will inherent biological features keep them apart, or does the merman grow a pair of legs? A fairy tale for the ages.

The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife
A dreamy octopus takes liberties with a lonely woman. Notably, this is the first time for a tentacle porn film to appear at HUMP. History made again, here in Dallas.

You've Got Tail
Dear God, this one has puppies.

Summer Fuckation
In Summer Fuckation a sporty, adventurous couple blows the lid off of traditional summer pastimes. Last year, they went to Burning Man. They went rock climbing and water skiing. They even jumped tandem-style out of a perfectly good plane. The common denominator: While participating in these activities, they were having sexual intercourse.

The 12th annual HUMP! film festival is 7:30 p.m. Saturday at the Texas Theatre, 231 W. Jefferson Blvd. Tickets are $20 at thetexastheatre.com.


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