Where to Pick up Your Next Date in Dallas

These gents, ripe for the picking.
These gents, ripe for the picking.
Catherine Downes

Finding a soulmate is difficult, especially in 2015. Marilyn Monroe or Hepburn, or some famous female of the 20th century once said, "I don't mind approaching guys, just as long as I can be a woman approaching guys." So true. It's hard to be single out there. People are way too self-centered. Everyone is all, 'Look how many likes my selfie got,' instead of, 'Look how many likes my significant other's selfie got!' If you're looking to share those special moments with someone, then we have the perfect guide for you. Here are places to pick up women and men (depending on preference). We tested none of this, so good luck. Don't sue us.

Where to pick up men Keller's Keller's is great because you can either eat inside your car or outside your car depending on your stance on day-old milkshakes becoming forever-old brown globs of floorboard decoration. Oh, and Keller's is also great because there are so many dudes there. Dudes everywhere. Dudes to your right. Dudes to your left. These dudes love hamburgers and motorcycles. We know this because we aren't blind. We can literally see the motorcycles and the sesame seeds from their hamburgers stuck between their teeth when they sheepishly smile at us. Uber to Keller's because you're going home on a motorcycle.

Church There's nothing like God's home -- and we're not talking AT&T Cowboys Stadium (this joke -- so good). Women go there looking for their Boaz (Bible jokes are great) and men just need to find their Ruth (again, they don't stop). This is why it's important for you to head to church on Sunday morning in your floral dress and cardigan. Don't bring your Bible because, like, it's 2015 and you have the app. Just remember: One hand up during worship says, "I'm a nice girl who loves Jesus" and two hands up says, "I'm insane like Jezebel" (last joke, we swear). Don't be insane. Be a one-hand girl.

Truck Yard Nothing says, "I'm available" like waiting in line to buy greasy food from a truck while shouting over the loud-ass music that plays in the background. No matter the weather, Truck Yard is a great place for romance. When it's cold, you're all bundled up and snuggly -- like that teddy bear from the toilet paper commercial. And when it's hot, you're all hot -- like those girls from the razor commercials. Either way, you're effing precious. But take it a notch higher on the precious scale and bring a dog. Any dog. Your dog, your neighbor's dog, a cat dressed like a dog. Just do it. Guys love bitches with bitches.

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