Your Breaking Bad Drinking Game

If I had this much meth, I would at the very least tell Skyler to go fuck herself.
If I had this much meth, I would at the very least tell Skyler to go fuck herself.

You don't need this writer to tell you that the most hotly anticipated televisual extravaganza of the year is upon us this weekend, as all-time great TV series Breaking Bad returns for the start of its final eight-episode hurrah. It's been a show based entirely around one question -- What will happen to former high school chemistry teacher and meth kingpin Walter White? Given that actual, real, concrete answers to this question are finally about to materialize in front of our very eyes (unless, of course, it pulls a Sopranos on us), excitement is verging on unbearable.

You know how we at the Dallas Observer like to deal with excitement? Drinking. That's right. We also use it to deal with sadness, melancholy, happiness, celebration and that numbness when you don't have any feelings. So, given that if we were to write a meth-consumption Breaking Bad watching game we'd at the very least have people mildly angry with us, here is your Breaking Bad drinking game for the weekend. You could always play it at the Granada on Sunday, which is having a gigantic indoors viewing party. (Doors open at 6 p.m. Admission is free)

  • Drink throughout every time-lapse scene, praying to God it's not the length of the three-months passing time-lapse scene from the last episode.
  • Drink everything in the house if Hank dies of a heart attack on the toilet in the first minute of episode one.
  • Drink twice every time Walt turns into Heisenberg. All he needs is a phonebox to get changed in, and we have an amazingly badass version of Superman.
  • Drink every time Jessie says "bitch" and drink twice if he adds it to the end of a concept he doesn't understand ("Science, bitch!")
  • One drink for every separate container of meth on screen. Two drinks for the meth production process.
  • Drink every time Skyler is an intolerable shit.
  • Two drinks every time someone does something they're clearly going to regret in about, ooh, 30 seconds.
  • Drink for every bag, roll, box, or storage locker of money.
  • Drink every time Marie is nosy and overbearing.
  • Drink every time you think it might be all right to live in Albuquerque, if it wasn't for the heat, the crime, the poverty and the difficulty in spelling Albuquerque.
  • Everyone nominate a major character. If that character dies, everyone who didn't nominate them has to finish their drink.

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