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2007 Stories by Alice Laussade

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  • Tit for Tot

    published August 2, 2007

    From 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. this Saturday, Demure Models is hosting a car wash at Sonic (America's Drive-in!) on 8092 Ferguson Road. I'm... More >>

  • Scoundrel Days

    published July 26, 2007

    At 7:30 p.m. Thursday the Broadway musical Dirty Rotten Scoundrels will be presented by Casa Mañana at Bass Performance Hall, Fourth... More >>

  • Hiiiii-Ya!

    published July 19, 2007

    Kung fu is cool. As long as you always say you're defending yourself, you get to kick as many asses as you want. Plus, you get to speak out of... More >>

  • Gyllenhellyeah

    published July 19, 2007

    Gaglileenhel. Jalillenjal. Gellinlikeafelonhal. I still have no idea how the stink to pronounce his name, but that Jake kid is pretty awesome. And... More >>

  • I'm Sorry, Doctah!

    published July 5, 2007

    At 8 p.m. this Saturday, Brookhaven College, 3939 Valley View Lane in Farmers Branch (bring your papers), is putting on a stage production of Alan... More >>

  • Freedom Isn't Free

    published June 28, 2007

    Clay Aiken's latest CD, A Thousand Different Ways, showcases the thousand different ways you can shit on music. It starts crapping... More >>

  • Mayer All Night

    published June 21, 2007

    Fathers, be good to your daughters. Because John Mayer is gonna bang them.You know John Mayer is the bomb. John Mayer is making boinkloads... More >>

  • Follicle Rock

    published June 21, 2007

    Hair is weird. Hair on your head is supposed to be grown long, hair anywhere else is supposed to be shaved off, and hair that's found its way off... More >>

  • Because I Got High

    published June 14, 2007

    Some people don't do drugs because they're against the idea. I don't do drugs because I can't afford all the Cheetos, Doritos and STD testing it... More >>

  • Knights of NYC

    published June 14, 2007

    After I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail with friends in junior high, we spent about the next decade quoting it back and forth. "I'm not... More >>

  • Global Warming, Suck It

    published June 7, 2007

    If I ever thought global warming was a load of donkey crap, all those ideas washed away as Rain Tour 2007 was like "Is that all you got?" to my... More >>

  • Look, It's Zeppo Wayans!

    published June 7, 2007

    Me: Knock, knock. You: Who's there? Me: Shawn Wayans. You: Shawn Wayans who? Me: Shawn Wayans. Ya know, that guy who used to be the DJ on... More >>

  • Zombie Flick

    published May 31, 2007

    Have you seen the previews for that movie Bug that's coming out? Ya know, the one starring the least creepy but least talented Judd? It... More >>

  • No Graduation Day for You

    published May 31, 2007

    I'm perfect gang material. I mean, I love the matching jackets, and I'm super great at tying bandanas. I could be front row in any gang versus... More >>

  • Eating Out

    published May 24, 2007

    Enjoy the wonder of the great outdoors in Dallas this summer on a restaurant patio. It's like camping, but with real restrooms and deodorant, and... More >>

  • Run, Firemen, Run!

    published May 24, 2007

    When I signed up to write about the Firemen's 5K, I was all, "Too easy. Firemen are hot. Firemen all sweaty? Even hotter. I'll make jokes about... More >>

  • Drive to the Modern

    published May 24, 2007

    I don't heart the valet. I want to take its little silent "t" and knee it in the balls. Why am I supposed to be totally OK with handing my keys... More >>

  • Play-in' With the Boys

    published May 17, 2007

    The problem with making Top Gun into a musical is that Top Gun is already a musical, as is any movie that has Kenny Loggins on the... More >>

  • Just a Taste

    published May 10, 2007

    Chris Daughtry and Lifehouse will be at Taste Addison this weekend as part of the Two Worst Bands Ever If You Even Count Chris Daughtry's Band as... More >>

  • The Candy Gene

    published May 10, 2007

    The 1971 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is my favorite movie of all time. So, when somebody told me about the remake, I was... More >>

  • Dallas Does Alice

    published May 3, 2007

    I like Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. And, no, not just because Alice is my first name. I mean, I have a special hate for that... More >>

  • Night About Town

    published May 3, 2007

    Although the song in Wonderful Town titled "100 Easy Ways (to Lose a Man)" does talk about a bunch of different ways you could lose... More >>

  • The Chronic What?

    published April 26, 2007

    Starting at 2 p.m. Sunday, spend your afternoon in a dream world of magic at Narnia: The Musical, now showing at Casa Mañana... More >>

  • Small Hands

    published April 26, 2007

    One time, I pissed off a carny. He ran this ride called The Paratroopers with these swings that just went round and round and swooped up and down... More >>

  • Chain of Fools

    published April 19, 2007

    If I hear one more person who's not Aretha Franklin singing an Aretha Franklin song, I'm going to throw my cat against a wall. Why does... More >>

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