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2007 Stories by Alice Laussade

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  • No Lion for You!

    published April 12, 2007

    Lions are awesome. I wish we could have lions as pets. My lion would have a cute name so when he grew up to maim Dakota Fanning, everyone would... More >>

  • Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

    published April 5, 2007

    Get your chainmail chaps, your magic wand and your creepy leather out, folks. It’s time for the Scarborough Renaissance Festival. You... More >>

  • Sympathy for the Bacon

    published March 29, 2007

    Dear sweet, sweet Bacon. I love you. Especially when you're all peppery and yummified at the AllGood Café. I don't know why it should come... More >>

  • I Don't Give a Flying Karamazov

    published March 29, 2007

    I've seen street performers before. Some of them are pretty cool. Like, Really Old White Dude Who Does The Robot To No Music, and I Painted Myself... More >>

  • Attics Are Creepy

    published March 15, 2007

    Did you ever read that Flowers in the Attic book? It's creepy. Locking your kids in the attic I understand (kids are annoying and stinky),... More >>

  • The Green Mile

    published March 15, 2007

    I'm Irish (What? Laussade is totally an Irish name. I shortened it from McO'Malleylaussade). Being part of the Irish club is cool. It means I'm... More >>

  • Flowers on the Wall

    published March 8, 2007

    This weekend, Dallas Blooms starts at the Arboretum. And you're so going. The festival features more than 400,000 (I can't tell you exactly... More >>

  • The Prestige

    published March 8, 2007

    He made the Statue of Liberty vanish. He levitated over the freakin' Grand Canyon. He was knighted by the French government. Four nations pay... More >>

  • Trick Ponies

    published March 1, 2007

    Want to see some creepy pallbearing clowns jump around at a funeral? Go pay a million fafillion dollars and see Frenchie's Cirque du... More >>

  • Earmuffs

    published February 22, 2007

    Addison is so cute and innocent, with its Flight Museum and its piano bar and its street signs that exclaim, "Addison!" So, of course, they're... More >>

  • Kumbaya

    published February 15, 2007

    There are tons of stories about Jesus in the Bible. Yeah, I read it. What? But one thing Matty, Mark, Luke and John left out was how at the end of... More >>

  • Boobin' Ball

    published February 8, 2007

    Melons. Knockers. Cha-chas. Woo-woos. Hoo-hoos. Ta-tas. Roundies. Fun bags. Love bubbles. Honkers. Hooters. Jugs. Naughty pillows. Whoppers.... More >>

  • Play a Game

    published February 8, 2007

    Come see A Dating Game 7:30 p.m. this Friday at Repertory Company Theatre's new Promenade Theatre, 650 N. Coit Road in Richardson.... More >>

  • Papa Was A Rodeo

    published February 1, 2007

    If you haven't been to the rodeo, you haven't lived. There's just something about the combined smells of horse crap, hay and chili dogs that'll... More >>

  • Coffee Talk

    published February 1, 2007

    I miss ¡Three Amigos! Steve Martin. I miss Little Shop Creepy Dentist Steve Martin. Who wants Cheaper by the Dozen... More >>

  • The Bad Doctor

    published January 25, 2007

    Did you know that there are circa 1970 nude pictures of Dr. Laura Schlessinger (aka Dr. Whore-a) on the Internet? (I'll wait while you go... More >>

  • Her Voice Doesn't Lie

    published January 18, 2007

    Watch out, Shakira: Kathryn Evans is in the house. And I hear she's got a mean set of pipes. Sure, you're great at shaking your hips in the... More >>

  • Me llamo Carlos Hestón

    published January 18, 2007

    Who could possibly be less Mexican than Charlton Heston? William Shatner ("Spock—pass me—those—churros.")? Heidi Klum ("¡Nina... More >>

  • Camel Toe Champions

    published January 11, 2007

    I love the Winter Olympics. My beef with them is that they only come around every four years. How could they think I can possibly wait that long... More >>

  • Get Your Kicks...

    published January 4, 2007

    I did a fantastic job warming the bench for my high school soccer team. Sure, in Texas, the benches stay pretty warm on their own—but my... More >>

  • Smells Like Kids in Here

    published January 4, 2007

    Little kids are funny. They can't walk very well, they're not very smart and they smell weird. They're like a bunch of tiny Anna Nicole Smiths. My... More >>

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