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2000 Stories by Dave Faries

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  • Fowl Foods

    published December 28, 2000

    Rudyard Kipling maintained a sense of straightforward, unadorned realism about things. His strongest writings--"east is east and west is... More >>

  • Big Brother's Diner

    published December 21, 2000

    Gilbert Garza starts his day at Suze by clipping a wireless phone to his belt. He then slips on a lightweight headset--the kind that doesn't... More >>

  • Tipping the Scales

    published December 21, 2000

    Sometimes you wonder which extreme, gullibility or generosity, drives American dining behavior. As a people, we tip quite well. We're... More >>

  • Pavlov's Diners

    published December 14, 2000

    A busy night at the Flying Saucer in Addison often forces patrons to park across the street and risk their lives in a mad dash across Montfort.... More >>

  • American Cheese

    published December 14, 2000

    Upon leaving the White House way back when, President Eisenhower cautioned against the power of the military-industrial complex. Perhaps the old... More >>

  • Don't Forget to Decompose Your Auk

    published December 7, 2000

    Europeans often scoff at America's apparent lack of unique tradition, especially around the holidays. Fruitcake, eggnog, and ham, for example, are... More >>

  • *@#$% on a Stick

    published December 7, 2000

    Long before the advent of forks, spoons, ladles, and other eating utensils, humankind skewered meat on sharpened sticks. It remains one of our... More >>

  • It's Xmas: Must Be Pizza

    published November 30, 2000

    Americans have always had problems with the old question of image vs. reality. For example, hard-partying George W. Bush represents good... More >>

  • Don't Ask

    published November 30, 2000

    Fruitcakes are crucial to Western civilization. They've been around since Roman times--perhaps the same fruitcake--when Russell Crowe and his... More >>

  • Hog Wild

    published November 23, 2000

    This time of year was hog-killing time in the old South. Back in the days before air conditioning, Prada, dentistry, and good taste forever... More >>

  • Hot Lunch

    published November 16, 2000

    It's not unusual for men to hit on Missy Kutzor. But when a guy walked up to her during lunch at The Olive Garden, it caught her off guard. "He... More >>

  • Fat City

    published November 16, 2000

    Americans consume too much fat. Or so we're told. Yet no less an authority than The Joy of Cooking contends that "avoiding it... More >>

  • Help Wanted

    published November 9, 2000

    Ron Ferguson wrestles with the hard realities of economics every day. The general manager of the Coppertank Brewing Company in Dallas needs three... More >>

  • Life's Not Fair

    published November 9, 2000

    Great questions confound the greatest of minds, forcing even legendary figures to shrivel up and crawl away in pure defeat. How do you untie the... More >>

  • Naughty Takeout

    published November 2, 2000

    One day this summer, a thief walked off with a giant plastic sculpture from a restaurant in Tarpon Springs, Florida. The sculpture weighed 300... More >>

  • Sinful Sustenance

    published November 2, 2000

    At some point in time, humans discovered sugar, salt, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, high-fructose corn syrup, and all of the other... More >>

  • Bugs Add Flavor

    published October 26, 2000

    Roasted crickets taste a bit like popcorn. Really. Mealworm-infested pizza isn't bad, either--according to a Texas A & M entomology class in... More >>

  • Hot Cars and Big Money

    published October 26, 2000

    Sometimes Jeremy Parker slides behind the wheel of a Lamborghini Diablo. More often he drives a Mercedes. But in rare moments of juvenile flair he... More >>

  • Seeds of Discontent

    published October 19, 2000

    Those who lived through the anti-nuke rallies may think all other socio-political battlegrounds easy. Think again. A mere mention of the phrase... More >>

  • Turning Green

    published October 19, 2000

    We might as well blame President Clinton for this. After all, the man who personally started all of those forest fires this summer and raised the... More >>

  • Good Sports

    published October 12, 2000

    Things evolve. Well, everywhere outside of Kansas and a few pockets in the Deep South, things evolve. Consider for a moment the evolution of... More >>

  • Burning Question

    published October 12, 2000

    You have to travel to see a Babe Ruth-autographed baseball. Most people fly to Syracuse, New York, rent a car, drive southeast for an hour or... More >>

  • Burning Question

    published October 5, 2000

    Every once in a while, controversy seethes beneath the otherwise placid surface of American culture, waiting only for some incident to unleash its... More >>

  • How Dry We Ain't

    published September 28, 2000

    Sure, Texas leads the nation in alcohol-related traffic deaths--1,734 in 1999--and the state's leniency toward drunk drivers costs it close to... More >>

  • Fat Is Good

    published September 28, 2000

    Question: Is prime beef really prime? Every year in September, the otherwise drab streets of Monmouth, Illinois, erupt with all the color and... More >>

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