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2003 Stories by Dave Faries

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  • All’s Pair

    published December 11, 2003

    B movie actor...excuse us, Governor Schwarzenegger scored a respectable second in the coveted Foot in Mouth contest for his astute assessment of... More >>

  • Shtick Happens

    published December 4, 2003

    No wonder people crowd into Hooters. It has a pert name, firm menu, low-cut prices and a revealing window to the kitchen. We can't think of... More >>

  • Men-O-Pause

    published November 20, 2003

    When the Nasher Sculpture Center opened its doors not long ago, some bozo said, in a televised blurb, "This will put Dallas on the map." Now,... More >>

  • Show and Sell

    published November 6, 2003

    Guys like P.T. Barnum and Ben Franklin recognized early on that people could be easily fooled. Barnum drew frenzied crowds to his bizarre... More >>

  • Wheying the Options

    published October 23, 2003

    The other day we stumbled across a truly bizarre line penned by essayist G.K. Chesterton. Now, we've read a number of strange and disturbing... More >>

  • Wine Snubs

    published October 9, 2003

    Nobody likes an expert. When Congress elicits testimony on issues of social concern, such as stem cell research, they call upon Mary Tyler Moore... More >>

  • Playmakers

    published October 2, 2003

    A reporter's little notebook is everything. Etched inside are scribbled records of events and the words of people great and unknown. Without a... More >>

  • Comparing Apples

    published September 11, 2003

    There's a scene from the Monty Python classic Life of Brian in which a mob mistakes an underachiever either for the messiah or an Alabama... More >>

  • At Any Cost

    published July 31, 2003

    Let us admit something right off: As kids, we hated equations of any kind. We barely passed "math for athletes" in high school and found a... More >>

  • Scoring Board

    published July 17, 2003

    A facile reading of the Dallas bar scene might draw upon the primeval hunt as an appropriate metaphor. After all, the urge to pursue and capture... More >>

  • Sacrificed Fly

    published July 3, 2003

    Sociologists who from time to time peer into the American psyche invariably describe a selfish, avaricious people. Yet clearly they've failed to... More >>

  • Supermarket Smackdown

    published June 26, 2003

    A few millennia ago, the Spartans settled a dispute by sending a single warrior to face the enemy's fiercest man in what ancient texts called "the... More >>

  • Turning Japanese

    published June 12, 2003

    Imagine a film set in the badlands of Japanese cattle country. Our movie follows a bunch of tough hombres--John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Randolph... More >>

  • Rising to the Occasion

    published May 29, 2003

    Etymology really bothers us. We should first mention that etymology has nothing to do with insects and everything to do with the origins of... More >>

  • Sex in the Kitchen

    published May 15, 2003

    It's a curious turn of events. First, we're told men and women emerged from the same body about 6,000 years ago, diverging in aptitude only... More >>

  • Lens of Approval

    published May 1, 2003

    At one point or another, our political, moral and cultural leaders have all become concerned with the beer goggle effect. Former President... More >>

  • Grain of Terror

    published April 10, 2003

    It's curious that disgruntled foreigners always dismiss Americans as weak-willed and comfortable types likely to fold when threatened. Just why... More >>

  • A Twist of the Wrist

    published April 3, 2003

    Few things are more quintessentially American than our ability to cast each and every individual into a compound so dense that it squanders... More >>

  • Cam Bam

    published March 13, 2003

    Many years ago, we actually worked in television. Not cooking shows, although we spent some time in public television--the haven, prior to the... More >>

  • No Smoking Gun

    published February 27, 2003

    In the musical 1776, John Adams objects to the removal of a particularly stirring and poetic paragraph from the Declaration of... More >>

  • You Say Somalia

    published February 27, 2003

    You understand, of course, the consequences of forwarding an alcohol-related topic to the Burning Question crew. We are experiential reporters,... More >>

  • Boot Scootin'

    published February 20, 2003

    Consider the curious relationship between Americans and ground corn. Each food item we purchase or consume in public conveys information... More >>

  • Great Shakes?

    published February 13, 2003

    "Why not have a salt party?" asks David McMillan, holding a plate piled with a gray-white substance. The executive chef of Nana apparently... More >>

  • Bag Limits

    published February 6, 2003

    They say history proves again and again how nature points out the folly of men. In this case, "they" are Blue Oyster Cult, a band from the days... More >>

  • Burger Meisters

    published January 23, 2003

    We always run into trouble at Paris Vendome. We're not sure why, really. It's a classy place, and people often use the word "class" when... More >>

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