Email Author Dave Faries

2003 Stories by Dave Faries

• All’s Pair

  published December 11, 2003

  B movie actor...excuse us, Governor Schwarzenegger scored a respectable second in the coveted Foot in Mouth contest for his astute assessment of... More >>

• Shtick Happens

  published December 4, 2003

  No wonder people crowd into Hooters. It has a pert name, firm menu, low-cut prices and a revealing window to the kitchen. We can't think of... More >>

• Men-O-Pause

  published November 20, 2003

  When the Nasher Sculpture Center opened its doors not long ago, some bozo said, in a televised blurb, "This will put Dallas on the map." Now,... More >>

• Show and Sell

  published November 6, 2003

  Guys like P.T. Barnum and Ben Franklin recognized early on that people could be easily fooled. Barnum drew frenzied crowds to his bizarre... More >>

• Wheying the Options

  published October 23, 2003

  The other day we stumbled across a truly bizarre line penned by essayist G.K. Chesterton. Now, we've read a number of strange and disturbing... More >>

• Wine Snubs

  published October 9, 2003

  Nobody likes an expert. When Congress elicits testimony on issues of social concern, such as stem cell research, they call upon Mary Tyler Moore... More >>

• Playmakers

  published October 2, 2003

  A reporter's little notebook is everything. Etched inside are scribbled records of events and the words of people great and unknown. Without a... More >>

• Comparing Apples

  published September 11, 2003

  There's a scene from the Monty Python classic Life of Brian in which a mob mistakes an underachiever either for the messiah or an Alabama... More >>

• At Any Cost

  published July 31, 2003

  Let us admit something right off: As kids, we hated equations of any kind. We barely passed "math for athletes" in high school and found a... More >>

• Scoring Board

  published July 17, 2003

  A facile reading of the Dallas bar scene might draw upon the primeval hunt as an appropriate metaphor. After all, the urge to pursue and capture... More >>

• Sacrificed Fly

  published July 3, 2003

  Sociologists who from time to time peer into the American psyche invariably describe a selfish, avaricious people. Yet clearly they've failed to... More >>

• Supermarket Smackdown

  published June 26, 2003

  A few millennia ago, the Spartans settled a dispute by sending a single warrior to face the enemy's fiercest man in what ancient texts called "the... More >>

• Turning Japanese

  published June 12, 2003

  Imagine a film set in the badlands of Japanese cattle country. Our movie follows a bunch of tough hombres--John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Randolph... More >>

• Rising to the Occasion

  published May 29, 2003

  Etymology really bothers us. We should first mention that etymology has nothing to do with insects and everything to do with the origins of... More >>

• Sex in the Kitchen

  published May 15, 2003

  It's a curious turn of events. First, we're told men and women emerged from the same body about 6,000 years ago, diverging in aptitude only... More >>

• Lens of Approval

  published May 1, 2003

  At one point or another, our political, moral and cultural leaders have all become concerned with the beer goggle effect. Former President... More >>

• Grain of Terror

  published April 10, 2003

  It's curious that disgruntled foreigners always dismiss Americans as weak-willed and comfortable types likely to fold when threatened. Just why... More >>

• A Twist of the Wrist

  published April 3, 2003

  Few things are more quintessentially American than our ability to cast each and every individual into a compound so dense that it squanders... More >>

• Cam Bam

  published March 13, 2003

  Many years ago, we actually worked in television. Not cooking shows, although we spent some time in public television--the haven, prior to the... More >>

• No Smoking Gun

  published February 27, 2003

  In the musical 1776, John Adams objects to the removal of a particularly stirring and poetic paragraph from the Declaration of... More >>

• You Say Somalia

  published February 27, 2003

  You understand, of course, the consequences of forwarding an alcohol-related topic to the Burning Question crew. We are experiential reporters,... More >>

• Boot Scootin'

  published February 20, 2003

  Consider the curious relationship between Americans and ground corn. Each food item we purchase or consume in public conveys information... More >>

• Great Shakes?

  published February 13, 2003

  "Why not have a salt party?" asks David McMillan, holding a plate piled with a gray-white substance. The executive chef of Nana apparently... More >>

• Bag Limits

  published February 6, 2003

  They say history proves again and again how nature points out the folly of men. In this case, "they" are Blue Oyster Cult, a band from the days... More >>

• Burger Meisters

  published January 23, 2003

  We always run into trouble at Paris Vendome. We're not sure why, really. It's a classy place, and people often use the word "class" when... More >>