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2004 Stories by Jim Schutze

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  • Pants on Fire

    published December 30, 2004

    Wow. What a year. The city's ship of state is pulling apart at the welds. Down in the engine room they're up to their necks in saltwater. Somebody... More >>

  • Fifteen Stooges

    published December 23, 2004

    Take this apart: A citizens group brings forward petitions calling for a vote to gut the Dallas City Council and concentrate power in a "strong... More >>

  • The Hulk

    published December 16, 2004

    There are two scary things about the "strong mayor" proposal probably slated for a referendum in Dallas next May: It seems to have roots in... More >>

  • Slow Ride

    published December 9, 2004

    "What am I, the Flying Dutchman?" I'm sitting on this DART train wondering. Outside I see a flat rolling moonscape, crumbling cinder-block walls,... More >>

  • On Your Watch

    published December 2, 2004

    This is such a cover-your-ass world. Everybody has an excuse. Nothin' ain't nobody's fault, never. The only antidote to c.y.a. is the phrase... More >>

  • The Envelope, Please

    published November 25, 2004

    I want to tell you, this town is a gypsy fortuneteller's paradise. Give me a turban and a blue bathrobe, and I could make a million bucks here as... More >>

  • Call 911

    published November 18, 2004

    Remind me what the 911 emergency call system is for. Emergencies, right? For example, you walk out to the parking lot, and your car has been... More >>

  • Surrender Now!

    published November 11, 2004

    I have a crystal ball. I'm going to predict the future. In detail. And you watch: I'm going to be right. In detail. A little swami music,... More >>

  • Dear Congress

    published November 4, 2004

    This is an open letter to U.S. Senators James M. Inhofe of Oklahoma, John McCain of Arizona, Richard C. Shelby of Alabama and Christopher S. Bond... More >>

  • Do Something

    published October 28, 2004

    If you read the fake-drug report, you'll get the picture. The fact that nobody's in charge and nobody's accountable at City Hall doesn't stop at... More >>

  • P.U.!

    published October 21, 2004

    Come with me on a journey deep into the Dumpster of nitty-gritty gut-level local politics, down where the money meets the road and virtue is the... More >>

  • Weird City

    published October 14, 2004

    You can't tell people from other places about Dallas--even when they move here. It's too wacked. Start trying to explain to them how we didn't... More >>

  • Host of a Green Party

    published October 14, 2004

    Howard Garrett, the plain-talking organic-gardening "Dirt Doctor" of North Texas, is going to tell you something about the nature of this... More >>

  • Up With Fascism!

    published September 30, 2004

    Try this one on for size. What if Dallas is so screwed up that the only way to get it going right is radical surgery? What if we went back to... More >>

  • Cop Hell

    published September 23, 2004

    Maybe this is the way to put it, in order to get anybody's attention in this town. Maybe I should forget about the fact that we have a deeply... More >>

  • City vs. Citizen

    published September 16, 2004

    Jim Bryant is 75 years old, walks with a cane, sometimes suffers a dry throat from medication. He gets tired. But Jim Bryant is stubborn about... More >>

  • Laff in the Dark

    published September 9, 2004

    Wouldn't you know. All the time I criticize the Dallas City Council and say they've screwed up, and they get mad at me because they think they're... More >>

  • Boxcar Miller

    published August 26, 2004

    Wow. Does anybody at Dallas City Hall ever look out back? There are so many homeless people picnicking, camping and taking leaks back there, it... More >>

  • Flood Blood

    published August 19, 2004

    At the end of July, flooding in this part of Texas killed four people and destroyed hundreds of homes and businesses. Joe Tillotson is mayor of... More >>

  • Monsters

    published August 5, 2004

    A couple of years ago the New York Daily News published a powerful editorial about the New York City public school system. The paper said... More >>

  • Deal

    published July 29, 2004

    You. You better step over here and get a program. Once the city council gets back from summer vacation and the game starts up again, you're never... More >>

  • Royal Police

    published July 22, 2004

    Everybody wants the new Dallas police chief to fix everything. Obviously. Sure. When he's done with that, I wish he'd come over to my house and... More >>

  • Deadbeats

    published July 15, 2004

    All the time, I rag on people, I criticize, I say negative stuff. For a change, I want to do something positive. Problem with that: my skill set.... More >>

  • DART Guns

    published July 8, 2004

    So here's what I'm wondering. Guy calls up the Dallas Area Rapid Transit agency and tells them one of their tow-truck drivers just went bananas... More >>

  • Stepford Mayor

    published July 1, 2004

    I'm all for Wizard of Oz voyages of self-discovery. I'm just not sure it's fair to do them when you're the mayor. But say this for... More >>

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