Email Author Joe Bob Briggs

1997 Stories by Joe Bob Briggs

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published May 29, 1997

  OK, we're into the mopping-up phase now. It's the fifth and final week of the Drive-In Academy Award nominations, and so far we've received a... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published May 22, 1997

  Yes indeed, it's Dinosaur Week in the 1997 Drive-In Academy Award nominations, time for our annual recognition of those who have just made too... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published May 15, 1997

  Last week I belted down three whiskeys, grabbed a couple of ammo belts, and prepared to enter the Place of Unspeakable Darkness. Rhett... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published May 8, 1997

  I have this friend Donovan who has a thing for flight attendants. You'd realize why right away if you got a look at Donovan. He's one of those... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published May 1, 1997

  I ran into Rusty Tisworthy down at the pool hall, where he normally takes up space by making bets on how many times you can twist the wingnut on... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published April 24, 1997

  What two words at a cocktail party are guaranteed to make your eyes glaze over and your brain start throbbing like you were just shot up with... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published April 17, 1997

  Everybody's been hacked off all week because Chubb Fricke showed up at the family reunion with his new mail-order wife from the Philippines.... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published April 10, 1997

  I had eight hours to kill one day, so I went to see The English Patient, just to find out what all the big hoo-haw is. Next time I'll go to the... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published April 3, 1997

  We started worrying about Vida Stegall the week she said: "See y'all later! I'm going on vacation!" And when we asked her WHERE she was going on... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published March 27, 1997

  Have you ever noticed that, every time they do a survey of sex in America, it always looks something like this: Guys who have cheated on... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published March 20, 1997

  I noticed my buddy Donald Trump's casino company lost 31 million bucks last year. But isn't it strange that this announcement came just three... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published March 13, 1997

  Wanda Bodine keeps raggin' on me for Forgetting About The Weekend. This is some kinda sacred deal with her. Translation: "Get your butt over here... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published March 6, 1997

  I have a question. Whatever happened to the 40-hour work week? I don't know ANYBODY who works 40 hours. I know guys who work zero... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published February 27, 1997

  Never date a woman between the ages of 37 and 41. You know why? The dinner conversation is likely to go like this. You say, "That's... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published February 20, 1997

  Am I the only guy in America who's upset because we keep putting people on trial TWICE? We did it with the Rodney King police... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published February 13, 1997

  People send me these movies. They come in plain brown wrappers that look like they've been mailed from Pakistan, and inside is a video with a... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published February 6, 1997

  I just found out that one of my best friends is a glitter-that-flies-out-of-the-envelope person. She sends out those greeting cards where GLITTER... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published January 30, 1997

  Richard Jewell got his half-million bucks, so I guess he's satisfied with the whole deal, but I still wish he'd filed a case and pursued it to the... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published January 23, 1997

  How come when you go to an Indian casino, there aren't any Indians? There USED to be Indians. There were Indians out the wahzoo. Indians... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published January 16, 1997

  You know why I think gay marriage is a good idea? 'Cause if they start letting the lesbos and the Castro Street beach boys get hitched, then what... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published January 9, 1997

  This baby that Wanda Bodine is gonna have--which I did NOT father, even though we haven't had a blood test yet, and I don't care what it says, I'm... More >>

• Joe Bob Briggs

  published January 2, 1997

  I be readin' about "Ebonics.'' It's the new "Black English'' just officially certified by the Oakland school board as a second language. ... More >>