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2007 Stories by Michelle Mathews

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  • Ho, Ho, Hoe

    published December 6, 2007

    The key to a great party is a VIP guest—you know, the one whose name will dazzle the other invitees and ensure an event to remember. With no... More >>

  • Tea for Texas

    published November 15, 2007

    Iced tea, at least in our family, is a minefield of personal, picky choices. Mom will only drink it plain, but Cousin Steph wants it as sugary as... More >>

  • Quasi-Movie

    published October 25, 2007

    Disney, apparently, can turn anything into a G-rated movie. No word yet on whether they're working on animated versions of The Story of O... More >>

  • For The Birds

    published October 11, 2007

    Forget Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers and the Jigsaw Killer. (OK, don't forget them—they could be behind you RIGHT NOW.) What... More >>

  • Smokeless

    published September 6, 2007

    Druggies ruin everything: brownies, car antennae, easy access to pseudoephedrine and most important, "Puff the Magic Dragon." No, dope fiend, not... More >>

  • New Mexican Invaders

    published August 23, 2007

    Life in Texas is never bland, foodwise, but we still don't really understand super-hot habanero shooters (followed by a glass of milk). Hatch... More >>

  • Pepper Pot

    published July 5, 2007

    Dear Person, Hi, you may remember me, your anus? Yeah, I know we haven't had a one-on-one chat since the Spoiled Shrimp Incident of '06, but I'm... More >>

  • Scoops of Summer

    published June 28, 2007

    For years, Blue Bell Creamery's slogan was, "We eat all we can and sell the rest." Maybe that's why I can't get their peppermint ice cream... More >>

  • For Real

    published June 21, 2007

    Despite the existence of 10X magnification mirrors, hardly anyone wants to know what they really look like up close. We seek out products that... More >>

  • Snake Eyes

    published June 14, 2007

    When I was in college, you weren't supposed to keep pets in on-campus housing, though lots of students had fish, and a couple even got away with... More >>

  • Very Special

    published May 24, 2007

    Children might not know it, but they're all in training to grow up to be special effects dudes (and dudettes). C'mon, the SPFX crew spends the... More >>

  • Shel Game

    published May 10, 2007

    Though our humor tends now toward Eddie Izzard, David Cross or Patton Oswalt, there was a time when we thought Jack Prelutsky and Shel Silverstein... More >>

  • Get Your Rocks Off

    published May 3, 2007

    One of my favorite displays in the Earth science classroom was the little box that held the different minerals used in the Mohs hardness scale; of... More >>

  • Headers and Footies

    published April 26, 2007

    You would think that being raised by a Central American father would somehow—if even by osmosis—imbue me with knowledge of the nuances... More >>

  • Horseplay

    published April 5, 2007

    My mom didn't approve of Barbies. She thought they were too sexual for grade-schoolers. (I do admit that when I played with the forbidden toys at... More >>

  • Eggs-ellent

    published March 22, 2007

    To paraphrase an old jingle, we love eggs, from our head down to our legs. Scrambled, deviled, over hard—we adore ova. We like to dye them at... More >>

  • It's What's for Dinner

    published March 8, 2007

    America gets a little hot under the collar when the world community starts discussing our government's use of torture. England, on the other hand,... More >>

  • Tickle Me Impressed

    published February 22, 2007

    As much nostalgia as Sesame Street personally evokes, I also have a well-founded suspicion that it's simply one of the earliest electronic... More >>

  • Sugar and Spice

    published January 18, 2007

    We've never been accused of being sophisticated, so it should come as no surprise that the phrase "Delicately Dirty" takes our minds directly to... More >>

  • Big Gamers

    published January 11, 2007

    The best thing I've ever done on vacation is, well, not die. My vacations have included riptides, Mexican taxis and even a Category 4 hurricane,... More >>

  • Old Salts

    published January 4, 2007

    Saltwater aquaria are often seen as the domain of the rich—those whose Christmas mornings brought a Beemer, a French bulldog and a Blackglama... More >>

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