Nick Rallo

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  • 1 day ago | Burgers

    On September 28, Burger King released a new burger with jet black buns. They’re calling it the "A.1. Halloween Whopper," with “A.1. flavor baked in” to the bun. Somehow, “A.1. flavor” makes it look like something Mordor birthed. If you took a Shar...

  • 3 days ago | Burgers

    I’m pretty sure I’m inside an old movie’s dream sequence. Hazy light oscillates around the corners of my vision. There’s a faded blue notebook in front of me, like something you’d find in your great- grandma’s attic, that reads “Savory Psalms of I...

  • 16 days ago | Eat This

    Dear Yucca Fries, I don’t understand how this happened. I’m not a chef. Will you help me? I’m confused about how you, Yucca, of the kingdom Plantae, became a fried thing. I looked you up on Wikipedia, and it says you have tough, “sword-shaped” lea...

  • 29 days ago | Burgers

    On the second day of September, in response to viewing an ad for Applebee’s "All-In" burgers on Facebook, I tweeted: Minutes poured on. The sun continued to bake the Earth. A horsefly landed on the sharp leaf of a rosemary plant. Cars sucked in cl...

  • 1 month ago | Burgers

    What are you doing tonight? I don’t know what you are doing, but do you want to grab a burger? I was thinking we could eat and talk about how the Earth’s surface is drying up like a Premium Saltine. Could we take a few minutes and weep openly whil...

  • 2 months ago | Burgers

    Everything is hot. The steering wheel, the bridge, those metal birds in Deep Ellum, the hose nozzle out back, Jim Schutze and the mailbox are all like smoking nuclear rods. Yesterday I grabbed a metal chair that had been sitting outside on a ...


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