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2006 Stories by Richie Whitt

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  • Terrible Owens

    published December 28, 2006

    T.O. must go. Because the only justification for stomaching Terrell Owens is a championship. And, after another egregious home loss in which... More >>

  • Dodgeball

    published December 21, 2006

    Suhhhhhnnnaaaap! With a bold, brilliant pop of its fingers, the University of North Texas placed its football program in good hands.... More >>

  • Rock 'n' Role

    published December 14, 2006

    All he wants for Christmas is his two front feet. You'd wish for that too if, like 2-year-old Micah Diffee, you were born with disfigured legs... More >>

  • Kicking and Screaming

    published December 7, 2006

    Martin Dramatica's Miracle in The Meadowlands notwithstanding, there lives a man capable of instantly and permanently solving the Dallas... More >>

  • Anna Nirvana

    published November 30, 2006

    Anna Kournikova grabbed my balls. Relax. It was for charity. Some aspire to climb Mount Everest, facilitate world peace or concoct a... More >>

  • I Smell a McRat

    published November 23, 2006

    First, a rat. Next, a load of bullshit. Can't wait to see what McDonald's serves up for Thanksgiving. See, Chrissy Haley isn't suing the... More >>

  • America's Extreme

    published November 23, 2006

    Before the game we get Kelly Clarkson. At halftime it's Carrie Underwood. And if the Dallas Cowboys are interested in a female mascot for... More >>

  • Premature Evacuation

    published November 16, 2006

    Late Sunday night in Portland, Jarrett Jack dribbled up the floor against your Dallas Mavericks. The second-year guard barked out a play for the... More >>

  • Romo-phobia

    published November 9, 2006

    Brace yourself, Tony Romo also has a publicist. But unlike Li'l Kim Etheredge, Terrell Owens' monstrosity of a mouthpiece, Vivian Fullerlove... More >>

  • Puck You

    published November 2, 2006

    So, you wanna piece of Marty Turco? Have a seat. Down the hall, hang a left into the Dallas Stars players' lounge. Back there, past the P.F.... More >>

  • Tony Oh-No

    published October 26, 2006

    Like two shits passing in the night, Dallas Cowboys quarterbacks of sudden past and temporary present take turns getting humiliated. If nothing... More >>

  • The Endurance Evangelist

    published October 19, 2006

    Didn't even know Dean Karnazes was in town did you, fat ass? I'm talking to you, Mrs.... More >>

  • On the Rebound

    published October 12, 2006

    Avery Johnson went to Africa. Jason Terry to the Bahamas. Mark Cuban went into hiding. And, in the agonizing aftermath of the Dallas... More >>

  • Sympathy for the Devil

    published October 5, 2006

    Not that we need much help, but Terrell Owens brings out the worst in all of us. T.O. turns us into baffled skeptics grasping at guesses.... More >>

  • Boshketball

    published September 28, 2006

    Chris Bosh would never say it himself, so let us scream it for him: Yo, bitches, how you like me now?! Like they did most summer... More >>

  • Déjà Boo

    published September 28, 2006

    This much we know after yet another disappointing baseball season: Saturday Night Live reruns are way funnier than Texas Rangers reruns.... More >>

  • Chief Sitting Bull

    published September 21, 2006

    Each weekend night the Mesquite Championship Rodeo is interrupted by a short drama, the script of which reads something like this: Act I:... More >>

  • Duane's Debacle

    published September 14, 2006

    Since Bill Parcells won't, let me be perfectly clear: Drew Bledsoe's three-interception pratfall in Jacksonville last Sunday did not create or... More >>

  • Our Idiot Kicker

    published September 7, 2006

    Sure enough, he's a problem. The Dallas Cowboys awarded him that monstrous contract in the off-season for this? A mysterious injury that... More >>

  • Heavy Medal

    published August 31, 2006

    LOST: America's Sweetheart. 16 years old. A bubbly, tumbling pixie. Last seen in Athens, Greece, wearing a captivating smile and three Olympic... More >>

  • Fight Club

    published August 24, 2006

    They kicked his ass out of New York, muttering about "deteriorated skills." So we red-carpeted his assets to Dallas, longing for a good fight.... More >>

  • Canton Cowboy

    published August 17, 2006

    Let the quarterback controversy begin. No, not that one. Sure, Dallas Cowboys backup Tony Romo looked decent in last Saturday's preseason... More >>

  • Parcells on T.O.: Huh?

    published August 10, 2006

    OXNARD, California--He's obstinate, irrational, contentious, egomaniacal and, sometimes above all else, brilliant. To borrow the personality... More >>

  • Ready to Blow

    published August 10, 2006

    OXNARD, California--Tick...tick...tick... This is how carefully, how meticulously, how extraordinarily attentively the Dallas Cowboys are... More >>

  • Body Shots

    published August 3, 2006

    Signs that your life may be wobbling off its axis: You've been shot more times than Fitty Cent. You lied to police, prompting your boss... More >>

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