Best Bait-and-Switch Strategizer (2004)

Tom Hicks, Texas Rangers owner

Following the A-Rod trade, someone asked the Texas Rangers owner if ticket holders--chiefly those who bought in after the "he's not going anywhere" comment by Hicks--would be given a refund. "There won't be any refunds," Hicks said, sounding like Paul Dooley in Breaking Away. "Of course not." The fans were all kinds of pissed off about that. For some reason, they don't like being lied to and then told that they're going to be fleeced, too. Ah, but the joke was on them, and us, too. Hicks, for the first time ever, actually knew what he was doing. By subtracting one of the league's best players, he actually improved the Rangers. Who knew? So let that be a lesson to you. Next time the Rangers and Hicks promise one thing and then screw you stupid, remember, they do so with your best interests at heart.


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