Work in Progress

"Someone was using the pencil."
-Dorothy Parker's explanation for why she didn't meet a work deadline

On Labor Day weekend, the TV news broadcasts were inundated with a study that says Americans work longer hours every week and take less vacation than any other employees in the industrialized world. This information came simultaneously with a bleak national picture of unemployment; during the month of August 2001, the U.S. jobless rate rose to 4.9 percent as the result of 113,000 jobs being cut. Many of us are working harder with less security. The unlimited personal growth potential of Amway has never looked more attractive.

But in the spirit of inspiration, we're hopeful that Dallas Observer's "Best of Dallas_® 2001" offers a series of profiles that will soothe rampant job anxiety. Once you read about the oddball, unglamorous, but very necessary professions that the women and men we've spoken to have chosen, you'll either be motivated to seek a more self-styled career path...or, after you contemplate their responsibilities, the Ramen noodles you purchased with your unemployment check will go down a little easier.

What unites the Dallasites we interviewed is a combined sense of personal commitment and indispensability. They know their services will always be called upon in even the choppiest of employment currents. One of Dallas' few female funeral home owners uses the same hand to console mourners as she does to fashion new ears and noses for the deceased. If you think workplace drug-testing is a violation, how would you like to be the one to approach a racehorse with a urine tube to make sure that animal's victory wasn't chemically inspired?

The professionals in "Best of Dallas 2001" speak to certain verities. Spouses will always cheat; crime scenes will always need to be cleaned up; drag queens will forever need to be zipped up. In the face of such eternal truths, we consider the current economy with a little more wisdom: This, too, shall pass.

There are so many moments that led to this winning entry that the playoff victory only grows more astounding with time: Steve Nash hitting the jumper over John Stockton with 12 seconds left to take Game 3 of the best-of-five series; Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Finley dominating the rout of the Jazz in Game 4; and the incredible double-digit, fourth-quarter comeback in Game 5, on the Jazz's home court, that led to the end-to-end astonishing scenes. One, that Michael Finley passed up the last shot to dish to a wide-open Calvin Booth to give him the layup and the team the lead. Two, that both John Stockton and Karl Malone missed open shots that would have given the Jazz the victory. It was all so unexpected that it gave this town a renewed sense of sports-watching awe. One request: Don't expect to see such a storybook finish this year. It's too much to ask of your Mavs. Just revel in 2001's season of b-ball fun. You may not see another like it for some time.

There are so many moments that led to this winning entry that the playoff victory only grows more astounding with time: Steve Nash hitting the jumper over John Stockton with 12 seconds left to take Game 3 of the best-of-five series; Dirk Nowitzki and Michael Finley dominating the rout of the Jazz in Game 4; and the incredible double-digit, fourth-quarter comeback in Game 5, on the Jazz's home court, that led to the end-to-end astonishing scenes. One, that Michael Finley passed up the last shot to dish to a wide-open Calvin Booth to give him the layup and the team the lead. Two, that both John Stockton and Karl Malone missed open shots that would have given the Jazz the victory. It was all so unexpected that it gave this town a renewed sense of sports-watching awe. One request: Don't expect to see such a storybook finish this year. It's too much to ask of your Mavs. Just revel in 2001's season of b-ball fun. You may not see another like it for some time.

How we miss Big John. What a kind soul, always giving, never taking. Always eager to help the media with an informative dose of sarcasm and contempt. And that voice, that shrill, disagreeable voice, well, it doesn't get much better than that. Yeah, he was great. Then that no-good Tom Hicks and his toady, Doug Melvin, fired Johnny and instated Jerry Narron, who's a good guy but reminds us of poi. (Have you ever eaten poi? It's a lot like talking to Narron for more than a minute.) And for what, we ask? OK, maybe the Rangers weren't doing so hot. Maybe they were 20-some games out of first place and the pitching was ridiculous and the hitting was worse. And? The point? This award is for the best coach/manager, and, if you talked to the ornery one long enough, you'd get the sense that the losing had nothing to do with him, because he was a top baseball strategist, and everything to do with his no-good players, who were no good. So here's to you, Johnny, you being from another planet. You may be unemployed, but your knowledge of hit-and-runs and propensity to remind reporters of their baseball shortcomings is unparalleled.

How we miss Big John. What a kind soul, always giving, never taking. Always eager to help the media with an informative dose of sarcasm and contempt. And that voice, that shrill, disagreeable voice, well, it doesn't get much better than that. Yeah, he was great. Then that no-good Tom Hicks and his toady, Doug Melvin, fired Johnny and instated Jerry Narron, who's a good guy but reminds us of poi. (Have you ever eaten poi? It's a lot like talking to Narron for more than a minute.) And for what, we ask? OK, maybe the Rangers weren't doing so hot. Maybe they were 20-some games out of first place and the pitching was ridiculous and the hitting was worse. And? The point? This award is for the best coach/manager, and, if you talked to the ornery one long enough, you'd get the sense that the losing had nothing to do with him, because he was a top baseball strategist, and everything to do with his no-good players, who were no good. So here's to you, Johnny, you being from another planet. You may be unemployed, but your knowledge of hit-and-runs and propensity to remind reporters of their baseball shortcomings is unparalleled.

It hurts giving this to someone at The Dallas Morning News, but as the Newsers go, Sherrington is a good one. We're still big fans of Randy Galloway, but we just don't see the Star-Telegram much anymore. (The Internet? Yeah, right. You ever tried to surf the Star-T Web site? Go ahead. We'll talk to you in a month.) For the most part, though, local sports scribes are disgruntled former athletes who never made it or pencil-necks who lucked into the business and wouldn't know a football from a foot in the 'nads. Not so with Sherrington. (We checked by kicking him in the groin.) He has a talent for finding otherwise overlooked stories, then translates them into solid copy with an engaging writing style. He has a wit and elegance to his writing that pulls you through and keeps you from using that particular section of newsprint for making paper hats during your kid's birthday party. Doesn't get much better than that.

It hurts giving this to someone at The Dallas Morning News, but as the Newsers go, Sherrington is a good one. We're still big fans of Randy Galloway, but we just don't see the Star-Telegram much anymore. (The Internet? Yeah, right. You ever tried to surf the Star-T Web site? Go ahead. We'll talk to you in a month.) For the most part, though, local sports scribes are disgruntled former athletes who never made it or pencil-necks who lucked into the business and wouldn't know a football from a foot in the 'nads. Not so with Sherrington. (We checked by kicking him in the groin.) He has a talent for finding otherwise overlooked stories, then translates them into solid copy with an engaging writing style. He has a wit and elegance to his writing that pulls you through and keeps you from using that particular section of newsprint for making paper hats during your kid's birthday party. Doesn't get much better than that.

Granted, they are few and far between, but the owner of the fast-fading Cowboys gets high marks for his decision to include former Olympic sprint champion and All-Pro wide receiver Bob Hayes in the club's oh-so-exclusive Ring of Honor. The planned Texas Stadium ceremony is about a decade late, but better than never, particularly in light of the fact Hayes' health is not good. Now, if Jones wants to make this celebrated list a second year running, he can get busy and announce that former general manager and NFL Hall of Famer Tex Schramm is next on the list.

Granted, they are few and far between, but the owner of the fast-fading Cowboys gets high marks for his decision to include former Olympic sprint champion and All-Pro wide receiver Bob Hayes in the club's oh-so-exclusive Ring of Honor. The planned Texas Stadium ceremony is about a decade late, but better than never, particularly in light of the fact Hayes' health is not good. Now, if Jones wants to make this celebrated list a second year running, he can get busy and announce that former general manager and NFL Hall of Famer Tex Schramm is next on the list.

A tough category. Still, even in a crowded field, one man stands out: that big rich billionaire owner who isn't Mark Cuban. It's one thing to want your team to win. It's another to shell out an exorbitant amount of money in pursuit of that goal. But when you sit around and tell everyone that signing A-Rod for the now-infamous sum of $252 million will catapult the Rangers back to the top of the division, you've crossed the line. Come on, Tom Hicks, what were you thinking? Have a little modesty, and no one's bugging you. But be a braggart, and here we are. Getting Alex Rodriguez was good. Getting geriatric-ward regulars Ken Caminiti and Andres Galarraga and then thinking they could overcome horrible pitching was, ah, less than good.