Emmitt Smith the Broadcaster: Rest In Peas
Look, nobody's perfect.
Just last weekend on 105.3 The Fan my radio sidekick Mike Ogulnick referred to a huge crowd as a "thong of fans" and I invented a new word:
But as of today we'll no longer be treated to the malaprops and misspeaks of Emmitt Smith, whose contract isn't being renewed by ESPN. Two words: Thank. Gawd.
Emmitt is one of the NFL's all-time great running backs. A no-brainer Hall of Famer next year. And he can dance with the stars. He cannot, however, speak English without littering his communication with hilarious hiccups.
Shame on ESPN for keeping him this long.
Emmitt on camera - even when tele-prompted - was bad. Ridiculously bad. Embarrassingly awful. If you were as terrible at your job as Emmitt was at his, you'd be filling out unemployment papers this morning.
My favorite go-to Emmitt-ism:
When asked by host Chris Berman to analyze the Detroit Lions' offense, Emmitt responded, "Mike Martz have them rolling."
But just when you were astounded by his rudimentary lack of subject-verb agreement or habitual use of "Let me axe you something ...", Emmitt combined his atrocious delivery with inaccurate information.
Seriously, the dude stooped to to Eric Dickerson territory. Last year he referred to Jacksonville Jaguars defensive tackle Marcus Stroud as "Marco Strauss," he reported that Houston Texans running back Ahman Green would be back in the lineup (he was ruled out on Thursday and was on Sunday's inactive list), and his detailed, insightful breakdown of the Green Bay Packers-Chicago Bears game, culled from 15 years as an elite player?
"I'm going with Brett Favre and the Packers' defense," he said. "I hope they get a running game to make it even better. So ..."
But, of course, etched on Emmitt's tombstone will be his classic butchering of one of the most famous lines in sports. Trying to quote former North Carolina State basketball coach Jimmy Valvano's eloquent speech regarding his fight against cancer, Smith said:
"The Cowboys are like Jimmy Valvano. They, um, don't quit."
Alas, we longer have to axe ESPN to put Smith out of his misery.
Emmitt's gone from our TVs, but so is this girl. Call it even?
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