Osama Bin Laden's Death: My Top 10 Observer-ations

10. When I first heard President Obama was making an emergency announcement at 9:30 on a Sunday night, my first thought was ... asteroid. Then aliens. Then NFL lockout. Then Osama Bin Laden. And somewhere along the process I figured it was just a ploy to interrupt Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice.

9. Shame on CNN's Wolf Blitzer. I generally trust him, but last night he kept teasing us with, "I have a gut feeling as to what this announcement is, but I'm not going to share it yet." I know who is going to win Mavs-Lakers, but I'm not going to tell you until after the series is over.

8. The bearded, bastard boogie man has been vanquished. As in Braveheart, should Bin Laden's body be torn into four pieces, its parts flown on flagpoles in four corners of our country as a warning to future terror tyrants?

7. Cowboys at Jets season opener -- Sept. 11 in New York -- just got a little more meaningful.

6. Sucks for George Dubya Bush. I remember when he brazenly promised to "smoke him out of his holes" and capture Bin Laden "dead or alive." Sorry, but he didn't finish the job. (Wonder if he has that "Mission Accomplished" banner handy?) Maybe I'm mistaken, but I think Obama got re-elected last night.

5. Don't tell me, the bored birthers are already demanding to see Bin Laden's "long-form" death certificate? And is it true that Dallas mayor Dwaine Caraway will posthumously give him the key to the city?

4. Navy SEALs = Heroes. And badasses.

3. This has to be at the top of the list of happiest deaths of our lifetime, right? Right up there with Timothy McVeigh, smoking on airplanes, the CueCat, the XFL and texting while driving.

2. Wished we would've gotten this news 10 days after 9/11 instead of 10 years, but better late than never.

1. Allow me to translate Obama's speech: "Don't fuck with us." I know it sounds cheesy and shallow, but I'm seriously proud to be an American this morning. Closure can be painful, but undeniably and ultimately therapeutic.

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