Terrell Owens Not Good Enough to Duplicate Feat. No Way. No How.
My son hates green beans.
Faced with a plate of them, he'll eat a couple, suck on a couple more, tear two or three apart and, ultimately, smash/push his veggies into a pile and pronounce: "Done!"
Unless, of course, I consult the Parenting 101 guide and resort to reverse psychology. (Insert evil grin, rubbing evil hands together.) This is how I get him to eat his green beans:
"I knew you couldn't do it. Only strong boys with big muscles can finish all their green beans. Good try, but you just can't do it. Oh well, maybe next time. Until then, the world needs florists, too."
By the time I leave the kitchen I hear another "Done!!" Of course this time, his plate is empty.
Terrell Owens isn't, in fact, smarter than a 6th-grader.
How else do you explain him moping around all season, getting jammed at the line of scrimmage by physically inferior cornerbacks and putting up the numbers of a mere mortal receiver? T.O., like my son, just needs some motivation. He needs a foil.
Last week it was Dallas' Only Daily columnist Jean-Jacques Taylor, whose "T.O. is over the hill" diddy prompted Owens' seven-catch, 213-yard performance against the 49ers. Punctuated, of course, with T.O. giving JJT the perfunctory "How you like me now, sucka?!" glare after the game.
Really, it's that easy. Come on, let's try it. Bashing T.O. is not only therapeutic for us, it apparently motivates him and, thereby, serves the greater good.
I'll go first:
*Sure T.O. scorched San Francisco, but who couldn't? Cornerback Nate Clements was giving him an 8-yard cushion most of the game. No way Owens puts up those numbers against jam coverage. He just doesn't have the skill or will for that anymore.
*Just watch, Seattle has the NFL's 31st-ranked pass defense and has allowed six receivers to have 100-yard games. But no way T.O. has a big day. He shot his wad last week.
*Tomorrow's game isn't on NFL Network and T.O.'s buddy, Deion Sanders, isn't scheduled for a sit-down this week. Unless he has the spotlight on him, Owens is just another receiver making just another complaint about just not getting the ball enough. Yawn.
*And another thing, T.O. is a petulant, overrated, self-aggrandizing individual who always puts himself before team. No way is he a good captain. No way can he ever lead a team to the Super Bowl.
Your turn. - Richie Whitt
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Observer's biggest stories.