Whether you're at the end of your rope of merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End:
*Ventured down to the Mavs' draft last night and it was ... sad. Not the selection of Rodrigue Beaubois - though underwhleming - but more the lack of buzz. I remember when a much worse Mavs' organization/team could attract 7,500 to Reunion Arena for a draft party. Last night's official "party" consisted of probably 50 patrons and three ManiAACs at the makeshift Chili's on the corner of the AAC. Seems like the night would've been a great opportunity to temporarily resurrect Victory Plaza, which died long before Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett.
*Speaking of that ghost town, I hear Emmitt Smith was momentarily interested in opening a sports bar in the old N9NE Steakhouse space. Was, as in past tense. Unfortunately, it's going to take a McDonald's with all its McShitty food and McRelentlessmarketing to bring that place back to life.
*Shame about the King of Pop. In the end, Michael Jackson was a creepy, reclusive freak whose reputation faded faster than the width of his nose and the color of his skin. But you'll never forget the first time you saw him "moonwalk" at the Motown show in '83. And, personally, I count seeing him live at halftime of Cowboys-Bills Super Bowl XXVII in the Rose Bowl among my 10 coolest moments in sports.
*Even sadder about the death of Farrah Fawcett. Weird when I remember back to my childhood and two of the people on the posters in my room pass on the same day.
*Ed McMahon picked a really bad week to check out of this world.
*Something else that died this week: A proposed Moneyball movie starring Brad Pitt. Too bad. I'd sure America would flock to see a flick about how the suck-ass Oakland A's pinch pennies and manufacture runs. Yeah, right.
*Want to re-invigorate your marriage? Tell your girlfriend you're basically done with her. Then trot her out before 30 of your buddies, telling them she's available if they'll inherit her debt. When they pass, take her back. Voila! She'll instantly work harder and perform better. No? Worked for the Rangers and Vicente Padilla. Since they put him on waivers he's 3-0 with a 2.16 ERA. Weird.
*In 1997 Tiger Woods burst onto golf - and the national sports scene - with an unprecedented 12-shot win at The Masters. The dawn of a new era, no doubt. But 12 years later, um, where are all the black golfers that Tiger's arrival was supposed to spawn?
*Hot.
*Not.
*If you believe Cowboys' coach Wade Phillips can truly change his ways from dawdler to disciplinarian, you probably also believe Sonny & Cher's little girl can change into a big boy. Wait, what?
*It would be a safer world if we each had a personal speed limit that coincided with our age. For example, 17-year-old teens could only drive, yep, 17. Yes, reward those safer drivers who lasted to age 60 with the most freedom on the road. I'd have to drive 44 mph to work today, but guaranteed teen driving fatalities would plummet and we'd stop honking so much at old people. I said it would be a safer world, not necessarily better.
*Former Rangers' president Tom Schieffer is officially running for governor. Like me, are you shocked Bush Junior's former bunkmate is a staunch Democrat?
*Marlon Byrd seems like one of the smartest Rangers. And he's very aware of his surroundings. One time I saw him politely ask a reporter to put away his cell phone out of fear that locker-room photos would appear on the Internet. But I can't explain his association with convicted BALCO founder Victor Conte? There just has to be a better alternative, right?
*I don't get the supposed humor of frail, passive, meek, shy, I'm-so-inhibited-I-can-barely-finish-a-sentence-without-petering-out guys like Jimmy Fallon and Michael Cera. And, for my money, Jack Black tries too hard. I know, I'm difficult. Sue me.
*For those interested, I'll be in the co-pilot's chair on 105.3 The Fan Sunday 7-11 a.m. and all next week - Monday through Friday - from 6-10 a.m. filling in for the vacationing Jagger show with Dan O'Malley. For those who don't give a damn, tough, I'll be there anyway.
