Whitt's End (Fish's Tales?) 7.16.10
Whether you're at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt's End (Fish's Tales?):
*A note from Rangers Ballpark: LeBron James fell out of the upper deck while reaching for more attention.
*If police have this right, the mayor of Coppell leaves notes scattered about her home with specific instructions on how to care for her dogs. Then she murders her 19-year-old daughter. Then, finally, Mayor Jayne Peters turns her gun on herself. And here comes the ignorance, the apologists and the wackos. "She loved her daughter more than anything.'' "The death of her husband a few years ago really upset her.'' "It must've been an accident while she was cleaning her gun.'' There are never excuses for this and there is no way to soften the blow by calling it something other than "murder.'' Mrs. Mayor might've been "lonely'' or worse, "a tortured soul.'' And she might've been a wonderful public servant, too. But she had to also have been mentally unstable, dangerously so, and when we go looking for reasons for this, we'll probably find the old standbys: Sex. Or Money. It sickens me to hear Mrs. Mayor's friends say how much she loved her daughter. She did not love her daughter enough. But with the care reflected in those instructional notes, she sure loved those dogs.
*Mark Followill on The Ticket with a nice Rangers nugget going into the second half: Of the eight American League teams over .500, Texas' schedule is loaded with the most road games (43) and the second-most games against opponents with winning records (41). That's the fancy research and here's the easy thesis that Texas would like to prove as fact: Any gaps created by those numbers will be closed by Cliff Lee.
*Hot. This is where Richie habitually links to a photo of a girl who X90's all day, exercises around a pole all night, and wears her hair in a way that intentionally mixes her "blonde'' hair with black tips. (That hairstyle, by the way, is the sure sign of a young woman who had an absentee or abusive father.) Big boobs, bad Botox and beer bongs ... you get that in this space again next week.
*Not. This is where Richie habitually links to a photo of a big lady wearing little clothes. (The women's fashion equivalent to the old circus routine featuring all those clowns fitting into that tiny car.) We don't need a photo; we've got the real thing at Wal-Mart, where it appears to me that the floppy and sloppy over-stretched spandexed ladies spend a lot of time in the bra department without every actually buying one.
*Jerry Jones says he likes the "direction" of Cowboys kicker David Buehler.
Yeah ... as long as that "direction'' is no wider than 18 feet, 6 inches.
*Let's go to The Sports Guy, and let Bill Simmons' tweet sink in.Superstars guarantee you 45+ wins regardless of their supporting cast. Only 5 superstars right now: LBJ, Kobe, Wade, Durant, Howard. Isn't The Sports Guy missing a somebody or two? Hint: There are actually only two superstars in the NBA right now who REALLY DO give their teams not just 45, but 50 wins every season.
*I still think that when cops Tasered that Phillies fan, it should've been immediately installed as standard-operating procedure in Philadelphia, especially for Eagles followers. Taser 'em all. And don't wait until they run onto the field. Taser 'em all NOW. Before they soon even come through the gates. "Preemptive Tasering.''
*The entertaining journalists on ESPN's "Pardon the Interruption'' debated the other day about whether LeBron would win "six titles'' or "seven titles.'' (Entertainment!) The math hardly adds up - and that doesn't even count the coming lockout. It's gonna be real tough for Miami to be a "dynasty'' when the NBA won't even exist for the 2011-12 season.
*Whitt's Weekly Religion Rant: Let's not bother. If God reads the Dallas Observer (and He is everywhere, including on the AAC's Victory Plaza, where He is pretty much all by His lonesome), God probably gets pretty stuck at Dan Savage and doesn't worry Himself to much about our little R.W.
*In Miami, the players did a lot of this themselves, Wade handling the recruiting of Bosh and LeBron. (Dating back to meetings in 2006? Hmmm. ...) In New York, Amar'e is on record as saying he's recruiting Tony Parker and Carmelo Anthony to the Knicks for 2011. (More tampering? Hmmm. ...) So Wade is Miami's GM and Amar'e is New York's GM and I guess the idea of actually having a GM is passé.
*Words of Widsom from Shawn Marion's Twitter account: My boy father said if a girl hair don't curl up after it gets wet u don't need her lol thats whats up
OK, comment-makers: Have at it.
*Stephen A. Smith mentions one sportswriter in the same breath in which he mentions Denzel and Will Smith. The sportswriter who Stephen A. Smith mentions? Stephen A. Smith. "When I walk the street or go to different places, my popularity speaks for itself,'' he tells the Albany Times Union. "It interferes with the newspaper work. I go to games, and security is having to hold people back that want autographs when I'm trying to write a column on press row. I'm not accustomed to that.'' When Whitt gets back, remind him to tell you the story of Richie getting physical with Stephen A. ... and of Stephen A.'s fat wallet getting in the way of their heterosexual bear-hugging. Yes, hetero - despite the fact that Richie W. and Stephen A. are both earring guys. (By the way, gang: Thanks for letting me hang out in this space all week!)
*Speaking volumes: LeBron has a new Twitter account. There are 420,494 people who follow him. How many people did LeBron follow in his first week of social networking? Tellingly ... zero.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Observer's biggest stories.