"What took so long?" we remember a male companion asking as we emerged from a pit stop at a public women's restroom. We tried to explain that there had been a queue, a woman with three children and an "out of order" sign on two of the toilets. He didn't buy it; he was convinced that every women's restroom is some sort of paradise denied to men--filled with plush furniture, masseuses, a bar. At the very least, we were in there lounging in a hot tub, he guessed, or maybe having some sort of lesbian sex romp. Funny how some men are threatened--or enthralled--by what a group of women might do when given a space of their own, outside the realm of men. While VISIONS: The Women's Expo is not off-limits to men, on Saturday and Sunday, Dallas Market Hall will become a haven for girlfriends to meet, browse, learn, listen, talk and shop. The Expo is celebrating its 15th anniversary with more than 400 exhibitors, who will be displaying gift items, fashion and beauty products, home and garden wares and tons of other stuff to lure your wallet. But it's not about shopping only (though that would be fine). VISIONS presents speakers such as Maria Menounos of Entertainment Tonight, live entertainment by performers such as Tito Puente Jr. and the Dallas Black Dance Theatre and dozens of demonstrations, tastings and clinics. And, let's hope, plenty of women's restrooms. The Expo runs 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday and 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday at Dallas Market Hall, 2200 N. Stemmons Freeway. Admission is $8 for adults, $6 for seniors or $12 for a two-day pass. Call 214-977-6019. --Michelle Martinez
If you've ever tuned in to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition on ABC, you're familiar with the great joy that a home renovation can bring, especially when the renovators are a team of attractive and perky yet highly skilled carpenters. Somehow, the whole process seems a little different in real life, when it's just you, a hammer and nails in your mouth. Those tears aren't joy, but frustration. Paul DiMeo, carpenter extraordinaire for the show, shares some of that television magic Saturday at the Fort Worth Home and Garden Show, which takes place 2 p.m. to 8 p.m. Friday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday and 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sunday at the Fort Worth Convention Center, 1201 Houston St., Fort Worth. Admission is $8. Visit www.texashomeandgarden.com. --Stephanie Durham
Five Times the Fun
This week, the stars of America's favorite new sitcom come to Frisc... wait, I can't do this. Fox offered a bribe of seven bucks and some Married...With Children pajamas in exchange for kind words about Quintuplets, but, honestly, the show reeks. Even likable Andy Richter can't redeem its slack-jawed writing and attempts at, um, incestuous humor. If you disagree, you're insane, but you can at least meet the show's five teen actors at the Stonebriar Centre, 2601 Preston Road, at 2 p.m. Friday. Be nice to the teens, though. Lord knows what bribes they took from Fox to tour a bunch of malls and further embarrass themselves. Call 972-668-4900. --Sam Machkovech
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Red and Skeeter Talk Texas
Among the best-known titles in Red Steagall's repertoire of Texas swing are "Freckles Brown," "Party Dolls and Wine" and "Lone Star Beer and Bob Wills Music." Steagall, who was named the Official Cowboy Poet of Texas in 1991, unfortunately won't be performing those songs when he shows up at the Barnes & Noble at Stonebriar Centre in Frisco on Sunday at 1 p.m; judging from the song titles, the performance of them might rowdy things up a bit too much for the latte-sipping and fiction-browsing customers. Instead, Steagall will be signing Born to This Land, a compilation of his poetry about ranch life in Texas--"the essence of a solitary land and its proud inhabitants," as Steagall says. He'll be at Barnes & Noble with collaborator Skeeter Hagler, the only Pulitzer Prize-winning photographer we have ever heard of so named. Call 972-668-2820. --Claiborne Smith
Ode to Food
BBQ: A Texas Love Story touches the heart
Just like unnecessarily large urban pickups, Dr Pepper (or "Coke," as it's mystifyingly called) and Aqua Net walls of hair, some things are just inherently Texan. Considering that, could a documentary featuring the Lone Star State's (un)official favorite food be called anything other than BBQ: A Texas Love Story? Covering thousands of miles across the state, expect loving celebrity interviews and some local flavor such as lawn mower drag races...all in honor of the sweet plates of artery cloggers. After such an indulgence, stick around for Joe Scott's locally made Ocean Front Property, a drama about a man emotionally broken by a departing lover as he deals with the trauma of being around her and her current husband. Nothing quite like soul-crushing rejection and loneliness after some hearty barbecue. The show starts at 7:30 p.m. Thursday at the Studio Movie Grill, 15100 Prestonwood Blvd. Admission is $5, which benefits the North Texas Food Bank. Call 972-991-6684 or visit www.studiomoviegrill.com. --Matt Hursh