Having spent the majority of our formative years in a trailer-park-and-Dr-Pepper environment, the country club set is our sworn enemy. We spit on them and their festivities in contempt; the mere sight of a matched sweater set makes us salivate. Every now and then, though, we try to put our differences aside--usually for a good cause involving charity or free alcohol. When the cause is as worthy as Helping Hands for The Family Place's "Polo on the Lawn" benefit, we will even don a vintage Lacoste V-neck. The event will begin with your most elegant picnic--candelabra, crystal and fancy attire are encouraged and even rewarded with prizes for best-dressed picnic and attendees--followed by an explanation of the game of polo (for us troglodytes) and the actual match at noon. And, as always, avoid the steaming divot. The event begins at 11 a.m. at the Dallas Polo Club, 550 Bent Trail, Red Oak. Tickets are $30 general admission and $55 VIP. Call 214-443-7717. --Michelle Martinez
Fence Me In
The year? 1991. The film? By the Sword. The sport? Fencing. The plot? Irrelevant. Eric Roberts is always wiping a stray bit of scenery from his lips; F. Murray Abraham shows how far an Oscar-winner can fall. Rent it, and if motivated, check out the classes Dallas Fencer's Club offers at 9407 Midway Road. Call 214-629-5358. --Zac Crain
Pedal to the Metal
This is no pedal through the neighborhood. More than 1,000 cyclists are expected to participate in the demanding Red River Challenge Bike Tour, scheduled for the weekend of May 3 and May 4. The 150-mile Dallas-to-Ardmore trek raises funds for the Multiple Sclerosis Society. For registration information, call 1-800-FIGHT-MS or log on to www.ms150.org. --Carlton Stowers
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