After watching Food, Inc. I did what anyone would do: I went out for some fast food.
My first thought upon entering Zaxby's? It has to be good if there's an old man that's so desperate to eat some of these wings that he's wheelin' his oxygen tank into this place. (He ordered 10 wings insane hot, by the way. Even on a tank, he's more hardcore than you buncha wussies.)
Instead of being awesome and ordering the insane wings, I opted to puss out and go for the nuclear wings. (They're that level of spicy that says, "I'd like my eyes to water, but I don't feel like a case of the fire-breathing asshole.") As I took a bite, I understood why Oxygen Man was here. These wings were good. Too good. One could easily become addicted to the face-on-fire feeling Zaxby's wings provide.
The booths inside Zaxby's are weirdly fancy and reminded me of the super fancy ones they put in at the McDonald's on Midway and Spring Valley decades ago. Even the chandelier in that McDonald's was like, "Really? Who am I kidding?" It felt like Ronald's skanky bachelor pad. I don't know why Zaxby thought it would be a good idea to spend a lot of money on booths for his drive-thru establishment, but at least he had the sense to skip the chandelier. Anyway, I very much enjoyed my order of Wings and Things: five traditional or boneless wings, plus three chicken fingers (these were better than the wings, and I thought the wings were pretty damned good), crinkle-cut French fries (seasoned, which always makes me happy), a piece of buttered toast (fuck yeah, they did) and (because I'm obviously here bein' healthy) celery all for a little over six bucks.
There were only two things at Zaxby's that bugged me. 1) Their cute menu misspellings like "Zappetizers" and "fingerz." If anyone from corporate had been there, I would have my-two-fingers-up-their-nosed them. And 2) The Zax's sauce weirded me out. It was just a little bucket that came as a side for my chicken finger(z) and it tasted like ranch plus menstruation. Don't ask how I would know.
