A Mother's Love
Your hipster friends will never admit they watch American Idol--at least not without adding the disclaimer that they are watching it "ironically," however that can be explained. You, however, know someone who not only knows the difference between Elliott Yamin and Bucky Covington but plans to cheer them on in person: your mom.
You didn't know she was that big of a fan? Maybe you should call her more often. Anyway, I ran into her at the bank and asked her about the American Idol Live tickets that were sticking out of her purse. By the time we were done talking (it was a long line) she'd given me five reasons why she's going.
1. She wants to hear Taylor Hicks do a Beatles cover. "I hear he's been singing 'Don't Let Me Down,'" she said. "I love that song." Tell your mom there are a thousand bar bands that can do a more inspired version than that milquetoast bore.
2. She heard Ace Young unbuttons his jacket while singing George Michael's "Father Figure." "I know that's kind of cheesy, but he's so sexy," she said. "He should take the shirt off too." Your stepdad needs to hit the gym.
3. She hasn't been to a concert in 20 years and doesn't realize how outlandishly expensive this tour is. After parking and "service charges," those two tickets will cost her about $150. Your stepdad must be raking it in, dude. Forget what I said earlier. He can get as fat as he wants.
4. At the last concert she went to, someone passed her a joint, and she hopes that happens again. "It was fun," she said. "I've always wanted to try the pot again." Don't worry, I didn't tell her to ask you for some.
5. She has a soft spot for the plus-size Mandisa and her "I'm Every Woman" cover. "Why do all the other pop stars have to be skinny, blonde and dress like whores?" she asked. Well, it's because people such as your mom support the heartless industry that values marketing gimmicks, sex appeal and familiarity over talent, soul and innovation. But I was next in line, so I just shrugged.
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