Ladies and gentlemen, he's your reality TV hunk of shorn head and 5 o'clock shadow. He's the man who was hell-bent on making even the music of Cash and Manilow sound like that of a brooding "er" band. He's your Am-errrr-ican Errr-dol, Chris Daughtry!
After enduring Daughtry's sordid takes on the abridged pop "classics" on season five of American Idol, we feel it's only fair to give his post-prime-time release—an eponymous album from his full band named, ahem, DAUGHTRY (yeah, it's all caps)—a quick listen. With our 30-second song reviews we'd also like to offer our expert predictions regarding Daughtry's behavior during Monday night's Gypsy Tea Room performance.
"It's Not Over": A skosh less offensive than Nickelback's "Photograph" and a bit like Nick Lachey's "What's Left of Me" on steroids.
Show prediction: During the breakdown, Daughtry will double-clasp the microphone and possibly offer a genuflection.
"Used To": Perfect song for the "running to catch up with love interest leaving country" scene in a teen romance. Not a movie, mind you. Play while you're reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
Show prediction: Lots of bending over to caress the hands of camisoled blondes. And a hand to the sky.
"Home": Actually, a fairly impressive vocal performance. Of course, the sentimental lyrics are a touch too pussy, but this guy is totally secure in expressing his emotions.
Show prediction: Hand over heart. Emotional wipe of the face. A single tear.
"Feels Like Tonight": Nice show of range. Driving and melodic and near poppy...which means this could be the next theme song for a CW young adult series. Royalties, Daughtry, royalties.
Show prediction: Will move on to caress the hair of a camisoled blonde.
"Breakdown": Honestly, Daughtry has fantastic control over his falsetto. It's just a shame that he had to channel Hoobastank to showcase it. The reason is you, Chris. Remember that.
Show prediction: Splayed, emotive hand gesture on the high notes. (It's all right, man. Just go with it. Really feel it.) The girls in the audience will also do this as they sing along and suck down vodka-and-Red Bulls.
"There and Back Again": Ah, now there's the Fuel Daughtry knows, loves...and turned down for the frontman gig. A bit oversexed, with the driving drums and guitars sears, the boyfriends will tolerate the album and show for this rock-out.
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Show prediction: Stomping to the front of the stage, Big D just might pull the ol' mike straight up/slight back bend move as he holds out "agaaaaaain."
"All These Lives": Kroeger, 'Stank, Staind, Kroeger, Kroeger, 'Stank, Lachey, 'Stank, Kroeger, jazz hands.
Show prediction: "No, you ain't" wave of hand. If he's got a wife-beater on, it will be on display by this point.
Encore prediction: Really it would be for the Idol fans, but Daughtry might claim it an homage to a late, great musician: "I Walk the Line." That, or Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive." Could go either way.