Fun Fun Fun Fest: How to Find the Secret Shows
Bobble-hat man was determined to get into Mohawk somehow.
Fun Fun Fun Fest have released a very nice app. It's sparkly and it makes nice noises and it shows you where everything is, especially tacos (there is a whole map of local area tacos). It will cost you precisely zero dollars, and it's so hip and, dare I say it, "funky" that is has some sort of built-in Instagram thing. I dunno. I don't really understand Instagram. But it's there, for sure, should you need to share a picture of a taco with the internet. There's probably a taco filter on it, judging by the rest of the app, but then like I said I don't really understand Instagram.
Now, one thing about this app is that it will send you push notifications. Can you turn the push notifications off? No you cannot. There is, however, a very good reason for that -- this app will tell you about secret shows, often moments before they happen, and it will do it via push notification. Can you imagine the drama on the streets of Austin as 30,000 get a sudden notification that Slayer are taking to the stage at ACL Live? Pedicabs will be hailed, bicycles will be commandeered, mustaches will be flung back by air resistance during a full-on sprint. The secret shows, like all the Nites, are first come first served, so if you fall off your bicycle just once, you might not get to see M.I.A. tear down a tiny bar. Like the Tour De France if seeing M.I.A. was the yellow jersey. Or something. Does that joke work in America? Is it even a joke? That's one for the philosophers.
You'll also want to keep an eye on the ol' Twitter. Follow not only @FunFunFunFest, but any bands you suspect might suddenly pop up around the city, their friends, their managers, the local guys at Transmission Events, (@TransmitAustin), particular bars like @mohawkaustin (with a suspiciously free Sunday night gap), @ACLLive, which only has one scheduled Nite, and @Red_7.
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TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 6:00pm
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TicketsWed., Dec. 14, 7:00pm
K LOVE CHRISTMAS 2016
TicketsThu., Dec. 15, 7:00pm
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One problem you may encounter is cell phone signal. In a small space with thousands of people, cell phone signal is always shitty. Kiernan and I are taking walkie talkies (no really) as it's very important that we tell each other when we can see a dog, and what that dog is wearing, because we're journalists. However, walkie talkies do not get twitter, last time I checked, because that would be nonsensical. Do you even understand how the internet works?
So, the best thing to do is to find somewhere with free wi-fi, like a coffee shop. If only we were in some liberal, green-loving city that was awash with friendly coffee shops and exploitable wi-fi. If all else fails, simply fire the taco cannon at enough people that the number of people capable of operating cell phones (that exact number is people at festival minus people with high-speed tacos hitting them in the chest) falls below the threshold where you can safely access the internet again. Then, use said internet to find out about secret shows, where Jack Black is at any given time (I assume there is a map for this), and follow us at @Dallas_Observer and @DC9AtNight, as we attempt to accurately convey what we're seeing. We'll even tweet about secret shows, as long as we're already safely in the venue.
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