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I Had Phone Sex with My Friend's Boyfriend. Help, Willie D!

I Had Phone Sex with My Friend's Boyfriend. Help, Willie D!
Photo courtesy of Peter Beste

Welcome to Ask Willie D, where the Geto Boys MC answers reader questions about matters, in his own words, "funny, serious or unpredictable." Something on your mind? Ask Willie D!

DITCHED

Dear Willie D:

I got a little problem. My girl and I was supposed to hang out this weekend. I was really looking forward to it. Friday night we were supposed to go to her friends' surprise party for her mom. Saturday we were supposed to go a dinner for her parents. Sunday we was just going to chill.

The other day she tells me that she was only able to just get one ticket for the dinner. At first I was tripping, but then I got over it because she was going to be with her family. I was like all right, we got Sunday and Friday to be with each other. Then all of the sudden she tells me that she just remembered that she had a baby shower to go to Sunday. She kind of caught me off guard with that. I mean, I had no idea about that.

So then I was like okay we at least got Friday together. Then she tells me "Hey would you be mad if I wanted to just be with my friends this weekend and you be with yours?" Man I can't lie, I was pissed me off. I had been looking forward to this weekend for about two weeks.

Come on man, I ain't got no problem with her hanging out with her friends, but we made plans, or at least I thought we had. I'm not somebody to just sit on the sideline and wait for her to decide what she wants to do. I'm thinking of just letting her go, but at the same time I don't want to. Man, give it to me straight and just let me know what you honestly think I should do.

Ditched:

Are you sure she's your girl and not some girl you're trying to get with? Her actions are more consistent with a female who is single being pursued by a dude she's really not feeling. It's not like she cancelled one day. She scratched off three consecutive days with you and replaced them with three days of separate events without you. That's cold.

It's time to have the big talk to see where her head is. You have to tell her straight up to start considering your time and feeling or get lost. Sometimes when people are in a relationship for a while they get too comfortable and start taking their spouse for granted. If that's the case but she still loves you the relationship has a chance.

The bottom line is, you teach people how to treat you. And she has become a scholar at treating you like gum on the bottom of a beat-up shoe.

HOPELESSLY SAD

Dear Willie D:

Reading some of your Q & As, I understand that you had what people would consider a rough childhood. I can relate to that in many ways and I think being brought up that way does have a lasting impression, good and bad. We all make our way eventually, but what advice do you have for people, especially the young, who have no control over their environment and feel hopeless and sad about their situation?

Hopelessly Sad:

The best advice I can give to anyone who feels trapped by the environment he or she is in - assuming their life is not in imminent danger - is to be encouraged and give yourself permission to love yourself. Set short-term and long-term goals that you want to accomplish and use that passion as motivation to not just exist but to live. Consider your circumstances as an obstacle not a handicap; that way when things aren't going as expected, you won't be like some people who use their troubled upbringing or current predicament as an excuse for bad behavior.

No matter what you're going through, there are always people out there who are available 24-hours a day to talk to who will help you with your situation free of charge. One of the more popular crisis centers is National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Their number is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You don't have to be suicidal for them to assist you, just a human being in need of help. It's okay to feel sad at times; if you didn't, you wouldn't be human.

I'm not a holy roller, but I don't have to be to recognize the truth and the truth is, "Weeping may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning."

 

I WANT THE RING BUT NOT HIS NAME

Dear Willie D:

In less than four months I will marry my soul mate. I love everything about him except his last name. So I have asked him to take my last name instead of the other way around. My reason for this request is twofold: his surname sounds like a cartoon character, and it doesn't have any prestige attached to it. My family is established and well connected where we live.

As the saying goes around here, it's not who you are but who you're related to. I always book restaurant reservations in my name because whenever we have had reservations in his name we always end up with the most horrid table; like near the waiter station or crammed up with people at the next table sitting so close it looks like we're in the same party.

But that's small potatoes compared to the perks that come with having the namesake of a reputable family. Everybody wants to be your friend or business partner, you get invited to all the big parties and nobody messes with you.

He says he doesn't care about all of that and he wants both his wife and children to have his last name. I don't see what the big deal is. If he wants to keep his name he could just append it to mine. That's the same thing women have been doing for centuries.

The closer we get to the big date the more afraid I am there might not be a wedding at all. He has stubbornly stated he wants me to inherit his name. I've seen other men take their wives last name. Are my expectations unrealistic?

What's In a Name:

You know what kind of man you have. His strong convictions and values are probably the reason you fell in love with him. If that's the case, then yes your expectations are unrealistic and you should take his name. A good compromise would be for you to append your name; that way when you make your reservations you could still reference your family name.

Frankly, I'm from the old school and I'm not a proponent of a man appending his name to take on his wife's last name, even if her last name was Walton and her daddy was the owner of a club called Sam's.

I HAD PHONE SEX WITH MY FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND

Dear Willie D:

My friend's boyfriend called me late one night and we had phone sex. When he first called I didn't think of it as a big deal because he's called in the past looking for my friend and to share information about parties and other things.

But after a little small talk, out of nowhere, boom! He asked me what I was wearing. I was completely caught off-guard. But instead of being offended, a chill rushed through my body and I became as horny as I have ever been. It was like all of the tension that had built up inside of me because I couldn't have him just exploded.

In the past he has given me that "I want you" look and I would just smile and look away. I know I probably should have told my friend but my feeling was no harm, no foul. I mean he was only flirting, right? What's wrong with looking?

I feel like such a backstabber for betraying my friend's trust, but by the same token I can't let go of the feelings I have for her boyfriend. I was already had a crush on him but the phone sex escalated my desires and now it's only a matter of time before we take it to the next level.

I know that I have put my relationship with my friend in jeopardy but I can't help it, I want him. Am I setting myself up for failure?

Backstabber:

The politically correct thing for me to say is, don't do it, but bump all that. At this juncture you almost have no choice; here's why. Whenever the heart and mind are in conflict, usually the heart wins. Your mind can be saying, "He is wrong for me. I shouldn't go there." But your heart will tell your mind, "Screw you. I like him and I'm going to be with him no matter what."

To be perfectly clear, I'm not saying you should stab your friend in the back by cheating with her boyfriend. I'm saying living in this world has shown me people follow their hearts more often than their minds. And I suspect you will cheat even though you would be wrong as Bishop Eddie Long

The way I'm built wouldn't allow me to betray my friend by flirting with or sexing his girl. I don't care how attractive she is. I would never permit myself to look at her in a sexual way.

You've already said it's only a matter of time before you take it to the next level. Your mind is made up, and nothing I say will dissuade you. So I suspect that unless you get a sudden case of the holy ghost or some uncontrollable force intervenes, you will have an affair with your friend's boyfriend. That says a lot about the kind of person you are.

Ask Willie D anything at askwillied.com, and come back soon for more of his best answers.


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