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Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...

They're sometimes called "America's Rock and Roll Band."

And, yes, fastidious Aerosmith fans will shout for the rooftops that "Dream On" is a badass song.

But, au contraire, friends, for there are several facts after the jump that prove the falseness of any "badass" accusation you may make.

In fact, we ask: What major label band has sold out to the rock gods more than Aerosmith, who recently stopped through town for a gig at Superpages.com Center?

Plus, recently, Steven Tyler has shown DNA evidence of suckage with the breaking news that he may host American Idol.

Doesn't get much worse that that, folks. Or does it?

Jump with us to see the list, nay manifesto (for the these "lists" are subject to the realm of opinion, and not hard fact), that points to the massive suckage of one long-standing American rock and roll band: Aerosmith.

Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...


1. Because "I Don't Want To Miss a Thing" was written for the band by Diane Warren, who also wrote "Unbreak My Heart," and Bon Jovi's "Wild is the Wind."

Steven Tyler poses after a recent soul draining.
Steven Tyler poses after a recent soul draining.
From igossip.com


2. Because of the above photo.

Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...


3. Because they have a Guitar Hero themed for them.

Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...


4. Because the name of their "ongoing" tour is "Cocked, Locked, Ready to Rock." "Hacky, Over-Priced Rock Tour" was apparently taken.

Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...


5. Because of the the title of this album. Also, this album came with a miniature harmonica that you could "honk on."
 

A still from my cold nightmare from the video "Pink."
A still from my cold nightmare from the video "Pink."


6. Because of how crappy, awful and tiresome the video for "Pink," co-written by Glen Ballard off the '97 album Pink Nine Lives is.

Ten Ironclad Reasons Why Aerosmith Sucks...
Rachel Parker


7. Joe Perry was in a band called "Jam Band." Again, not available: "We're Playing Awesome Music" and "Shootin' For Greatest Guitarists of All-Time List."


8. Aerosmith's 2003 "Rocksimus Maximus Tour" was co-headlined with KISS.

9. Glen Ballard, who produced gems like Dave Matthews Band's Everyday and Shakira's "The One," has helped Aerosmith craft several, too-many songs.

Steven Tyler and Brittany Spears duet on "Walk This Way"
Steven Tyler and Brittany Spears duet on "Walk This Way"


10. The entire jamboree, cataclysmic fuck fest that is the Super Bowl XXXV "Walk This Way Halftime Show" footage.


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