There's something about a man in a band. Or who can play the guitar. Or who can sing. Or really who even hangs out with the band. Put a guitar in front of or in the general vicinity of a man and women will drop their panties. Men will drop their boxers. Seriously. Don't believe us? Go to Guitar Center and try it right now.
As you know, Dallas' music scene is diverse enough for someone to have their pick of the musician litter. It's just like kittens. Exactly like kittens. So in that cute, cuddly spirit, we've compiled a guide to knowing the 10 types of men in the Dallas music scene that you've probably dated. Well, you thought you were dating him. His story is a little different, but that's neither here nor there.
It's just him and his guitar. No, seriously he's a simple guy. He rides a bike the few places you can ride a bike in Dallas, he drinks local coffee, and he sings about women and clouds. He wouldn't be caught dead in anything but a low V-neck and Toms (because he cares about the children in Africa). John Mayer is his god.
Where he gigs: Opening Bell, sipping on black coffee in between songs
The Tour Manager
He's everybody's best friend and a ton of fun to be around. He got the job as tour manager because, seriously, he's someone in the band's best friend and never got that architecture job he promised his parents. He's actually basically a musician with the liquor and girls, but has no musical talent -- just the ability to update a website. He travels with the band, sells its merch after the show and entertains any of the girls the lead singer doesn't want.
Where he gigs: He doesn't. But you can find him at the merch table, drinking the free beer the band hasn't had a chance to drink yet.
The Texas Country Artist
He's from West Texas and sorority girls from all over the state love him. However, he's trying to make a name for himself in the Big D. He takes shots of whiskey in between songs about Jesus and love. William Clark Green is his hero and if you can't two-step and don't know all of the words to Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places," just forget about it. Forget the entire thing.
Where he gigs: Fort Worth Stockyards
The Blues Singer
He's passionate and keeps his eyes closed for the duration of his set. He smokes like a freight train to help with his raspy tone. He writes poetry and he likes for you to read it in front of him. It's the kind of poetry where he used a thesaurus one too many times and now he thinks he's one step away from being a U.N. ambassador and creating world peace.
Where he gigs: The Goat
The Guy Who is in Every Band Ever
This guy plays in half a dozen bands and you never know what kind of gig he's going to invite you to. He's pursuing what he loves to do, so he's finding a way to do it. Between the weddings and Tuesday night business conferences, this guy is swamped and all over the place. But there's one more place he finds time for. And that's church. Yes, every Sunday morning, he's on stage with the choir and the chances of him being hungover in the Lord's home are extremely high -- just as he was the night before.
Where he gigs: Literally wherever pays him
He raps about strippers and hoes and everything else your grandmother despises, yet he is the nicest man you've ever dated. He is high 99 percent of the time, but he swears it helps him with his rhymes. He drops lines about the 972 area code because he comes from Garland and likes to remind you what living in the hood is like.
Where he gigs: Trees
The Cover Artist
He has never written an original song in his life unless you count the one time he forgot the words during an acoustic version of Kanye West's "Heartless." He was blessed with a beard and a large vocal range, as well as a sense of entitlement. Once he earns enough money, he swears he's moving to New York to be around the real musicians.
Where he gigs: Truck Yard, playing for hungover young professionals and dogs
He wears Affliction shirts and bedazzled jeans. He caught your attention because he really knows how to work a room, but after three months of dating, you've realized you have never seen him in daylight. He drives a Camaro with a spoiler that is falling apart, but that doesn't stop him from buying enough technology to plot a terrorist attack or just mix a Bruno Mars song to squeals and scratches.
Where he gigs: Plush (RIP), drinking Red Bull and vodka
His 10 fingers are more talented than your entire body because he can play the electric guitar like a god. He has women fawning over him all the time, but he is absolutely clueless. If you do land a date with him, you'll find out music isn't really his passion. It's his default career because he flunked out of med school and needs a way to pay child support.
Where he gigs: The Prophet Bar
The Music Journalist
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He's a complete asshole and sweet-talker at the same time. That's because he has the ability to get in good with the musicians and then critique them in his local blog. He name drops all the time and hasn't paid for a date in more than a year because he sees the shows for free. His fridge only has beer and pizza and he hasn't fallen asleep before 3 a.m. in a month.
Where he gigs: He doesn't, but he loves hanging out in The Twilite Lounge
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