I think I've figured out how the limeys in Coldplay think up their music: They visit museums and brainstorm ideas based on what they see there.
It's the only way a band could name their songs "Yellow" and "Clocks," if you think about it. You tend to see yellow stuff and clocks in museums.
The most glaring example of this method? Their last album, Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends. The cover appropriated a 19th century French painting and just painted the album title over it.
So here's what I'm thinking happened this time around, with the band's latest single, "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall": The
band found a fountain shaped like a waterfall and one of them thought aloud, "I
got an i'deah! The fall represents...teardrops!"
"Qwoit roit!" Chris Martin responded "every teardrop is loik a waterfall. Did I just blow your mind, mate?!"
Bad dialect aside, this new single sounds like something Coldplay could have written years
ago. Chris Martin's metaphors are either obvious or dubious, never anywhere in
between. Along with the titular line, the chorus tells us that "every siren is a
symphony." I imagine a crowd of beatniks snapping their fingers to that
one.
On the other end of Coldplay's poetry, the bewildering line "my pulses
start cathedrals in my heart" confuses the listener more than it creates
a profound image.
I probably shouldn't expect too much writing-wise from a band that
rehashes the same exact water-as-tears metaphor over and over, though. (Coldplay's last single, "Christmas
Lights," had the line "Tears we cried -- a flood.")
In light of my museum theory, I have a solution. I think someone needs
to offer Coldplay cushy museum careers after they're finished up their
next album. This way, they can enjoy all the art they've borrowed up
until now.
And, in return, listeners don't have to put up with any more of
the same Coldplay.
