Y'know, the East Asian-American groupFar East Movement
had a pretty good hit last year in
It was probably the only electronic-sounding pop song of last year that I wouldn't be ashamed to mix. In fact, the track was so good, I can even overlook their making up the word "slizzer'd" for their catchy hook.
I guess you could say I'm a tiger fan -- no, not a Detroit Tigers fan. A tiger fan is a model minority fan who wants to see other minority artists succeed because it makes all of us minorities look good.
Don't get me wrong: I don't follow artists just because they're minorities. A good tiger fan should have high standards. For example, if The A.V. Club gives an album a B score, I'll simply say, "You got a B?! You're pathetic for not getting an A! B's are just F's with two more lines drawn in!"
A tiger fan sort of like a tiger mom, except that, in this case, making you practice the piano actually means something -- it strengthens your songcraft.
So imagine this tiger fan's disappointment at the Far East Movement's latest single "Rocketeer".
It's bewildering how tame this track sounds after "G6." It features four piano chords. (Just four? You need more practice!) And, really, its keyboard chords mostly suggest Justin Beiber's "Somebody to Love."
It doesn't help matters that Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic shows up in the chorus, with his oh-so-charming voice, and wearing a douchey retro hat -- the uniform of a pretentious flatterer -- in the video.
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Meanwhile, lyrically, the track rings kinda needy and hollow, like that pickup line about your dad being a thief and putting stars in your eyes. It's a disappointing use of the spacey-love theme. Incubus' "Stellar" this isn't.
With all that syrupy charm, the track sounds as if Bruno Mars wrote it -- wait, actually, he did write it! For shame, Far East Movement!
Me? I give "Rocketeer" a B.
But, remember: To a tiger fan, that's a bad thing.