The Problem With... Mike Posner's "Cooler Than Me"


You know what, folks? Summer singles tend to sound the same after a while. I think producers purposefully do this to make mixing all the hits together on the dancefloor much easier. And god bless 'em for that.

Too bad that so many of the songs are terrible. And one of the tracks that's sure to get plenty of play this summer is "Cooler Than Me" by producer, singer, rapper and -- gasp! -- Duke graduate Mike Posner.

(I should disclose this to all you readers: Among the teams I follow in college hoops is Duke's arch rival, North Carolina. Therefore, I reserve the right to dock five points from my pretend scale on behalf of the 'heels. Just deal with it.)

Posner can trace his success to releases on the internet. You see folks, even after the time of Napster and MP3.com, listeners can still find fresh music on the Internet that wouldn't appear in print or on television.

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Crazy, right?

Unfortunately, a lot of it sucks. Most of it shouldn't ever leave the dorm room. This track is one of those ones.

Really, it's a mess. It starts off with some guitar chord strums, bringing to mind the notorious guitar-playing douchebag hogging the attention your party. The guitar is just as quickly joined by a breathy voice in a high range that is sure to worry your dog.

It brings to mind a random lesson  from a teacher I once had: "If you can't sing, sing under your breath, or just yell." Well, screaming had it's time in the music spotlight, so breathy crooning it is.

The guitar chords are then a followed by -- wait, what? -- pretty much the same house beat that's been all the rage since Kanye's 808s & Heartbreak. Nothing new here.

Anyway, the song is apparently about a girl that is not impressed by Mike's lack of writing skills. Great premise for a song, dude! Nice line here, too: "If I could write you a song, and make you fall in love." Uh, the cue is "if" you can write a song.

If you can't, then move along. And, uh, you can't.

So, not surprisingly, the subject of the song ignores the writer's come-ons. Which, in Posner's eyes, makes her vain and uptight. Right, because the guy writing music just to catch girls isn't.

The whole thing's pretty lame, Posner. And I don't blame the girl for ignoring you.

In fact, I wouldn't blame any woman for ignoring all Duke guys altogether. They have terrible reputations, you know.


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