10 Times Ted Cruz Showed He Is Too Strange to Be President
Ted Cruz. Senator. Presidential candidate. World-class weirdo.
Tuesday, Ted Cruz will face the biggest, and perhaps last, hurdle in his campaign for the Republican Party's 2016 presidential nomination. If manages to knock off Donald Trump in Indiana, he'll have something approaching a 30 percent shot at keeping Trump for gathering the 1,237 delegates the New York real estate developer needs to clinch the nomination on the first ballot. If Cruz succeeds, he will have done so in spite of a bunch of seriously weird behavior. Here are 10 of our favorite instances of Cruz seeming a little, or more than a little, off:
10. Cruz Steals the Cherry Off His Daughter's Sunday:
Eating on the trail is probably a bad idea. Whether it's Ed Miliband's bacon sandwich or Rick Perry's corndog, it is far to easy to come off looking utter ridiculous. Here, Cruz looks like an alien inhaling necessary sustenance from a small human.
Quickly, one watching this goes from "Is there something on Ted Cruz's lip?" to "Eww, what's that white stuff on Ted Cruz's lip?" to "Goodness, he ate the weird white thing off his lip." It's as disgusting a Cruz believes people using the restroom of their choice is.
8. The Thing You Shouldn't Watch if You Ever Want to Watch Cruz Speak Without Being Skeeved Out:
As shown in this video expertly curated by Gawker, our esteemed senator does this godawful thing where he pulls his lips back over his teeth when he's especially pleased with himself during a speech. Once you see it, it can't be unseen.
7. Ted Cruz used to Wander Around Princeton In a Bathrobe:
When he was an undergrad, Ted Cruz used to slither around Princeton's campus in a bathrobe, according to his former roommate Craig Mazin. Mazin says he'd rather pick the president from the phone book than see Cruz elected.
6. Ted Cruz Scares Kids Part One:
https://t.co/sLBdwdce8w ted cruz and his daughter reenacting me and my mother when my mother tries to kiss me when i'm sober— Ayla (@vorvolaka) April 18, 2016
Dogs and small children are the best judges of character — Cruz's daughter in this case,
5. Ted Cruz Scares Kids Part Two:
In New Hampshire, Cruz learned the hard way that if you use apocalyptic rhetoric, sometimes people will take you literally. "The world is on fire," he said, scaring the daylights out of a 3-year-old girl.
4. Ted Cruz Is Confused by Human Sports:
Last Tuesday, as he ramped up his Indiana campaign, Cruz took the stage in one of the gyms in which the basketball movie classic Hoosiers was filmed. He proceeded to refer to what normal people call a "basketball hoop," "basketball rim" or maybe a "basketball goal" as a "basketball ring." Sarah Palin, no stranger to strange herself, ripped Cruz for it on Facebook.
3. Ted Cruz Tries Out for The Simpsons:
Cruz believes he does good impressions of several characters from The Simpsons. He does not, although the irony of Cruz doing Kang and Kodos is potent.
2. Cruz Buys Soup:
SMU Mustangs Mens Basketball vs. TCU Horned Frogs Mens Basketball
TicketsWed., Dec. 7, 7:00pm
Allen Americans vs. Missouri Mavericks
TicketsWed., Dec. 7, 7:05pm
Dallas Mavericks vs. Sacramento Kings
TicketsWed., Dec. 7, 7:30pm
University of North Texas Mean Green Mens Basketball vs. Delaware State Hornets Mens Basketball
TicketsThu., Dec. 8, 7:00pm
The day Ted Cruz and wife Heidi got home from their honeymoon, Cruz went to the grocery store and returned with 100 cans of Campbell's Chunky Soup. Depending on how you read the situation, Cruz was either being passive aggressive about the fact that his wife, a finance executive, might not be doing much cooking, or showing her that that was something he'd have no problem dealing with. Either way, it's not something a normal person does — or believes is a good anecdote to make one appear more human on national television.
1. We Get It, Ted, You Watched Porn With Sandra Day O'Connor:
The story itself is strange enough. Ted Cruz, while he was clerking for U.S Supreme Court Chief Justice William Rehnquist in 1996, had to watch internet porn with the justices as part of one of the court's first cases dealing with subject. What brings thing to a Cruzian level is the way Cruz insists on telling the story wherever he can. Watch the videos, he's got the delivery down pat.
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