50 Signs You're Officially a Dallasite

Stop kidding yourself. You're home now.
Stop kidding yourself. You're home now.

Do you often arrive at a fast-casual restaurant and get pissed that they don't have valet? Do you feel cramped in your 3,300-square-foot house? Do you tell friends and relatives that Tex-Mex is better than Mex-Mex? And do you actually sort of believe it?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be becoming a Dallasite. Not sure? Here are 50 other signs to check for. If they sound familiar, please consult your realtor.

1. You're on a first-name basis with "Neiman's."

2. A nightlife photographer at a trendy event took your photograph but didn't include it in the final publication. Distraught, you vow to get breast implants.

3. You think downtown sure could use another parking garage.

4. You don't know what people mean when they talk about "walkable neighborhoods," but are pretty sure that the NorthPark Center is one of those.

5. You can circumnavigate White Rock Lake, but only through the power of spandex.

6. You have a heap of ashes in your fireplace that's mostly Tony Romo jerseys.

7. You think a half-hour walk from the nearest public transportation to your destination is "actually not that bad."

8. You have a hunch who Wylie H is.

9. You think you understand Upstream Color.

10. You have more than one drawer in your fridge devoted to Whataburger ketchup.

11. You reach for your hoodie when temps drop below 80.

12. You suggest adding chili to the ramen at Tei-An.

13. You see the words "world class city" and don't roll your eyes.

14. You have the Ticket preset on AM and FM.

15. You look forward to eating at the State Fair of Texas.

16. One or more parts of your body aren't biodegradable.

17. You append angry, expletive-laced comments to online lists of the "best" chicken-fried steak.

18. You have no idea what Italian food is supposed to taste like.

19. You're certain Deep Ellum was way cooler when you were 25 — no matter what age you now are now.

20. You've urinated outdoors near Greenville Avenue in mid-March.

21. Your monthly toll-tag charges are more than your car payment.

22. You think Escalade is the Spanish term for "compact car only."

23. You've chucked an empty beer can at a bicyclist.

24. You've insisted to your friends from out-of-state that "we're not all like that."

25. You've said the words "Frisco's actually pretty cool, you guys."

 

Look closely. If you're in this photo, you might be a Dallasite.
Look closely. If you're in this photo, you might be a Dallasite.

26. You're a member of the Polyphonic Spree.

27. Your kid's school is a block away from your house, and you drive there to sit in the carpool line for 30 minutes.

28. You know of secret free parking spots in Deep Ellum, Lower Greenville and Uptown that you will only disclose to your closest friends.

29. You hear someone talk about visiting the Village, and you don't think they mean New York.

30. You think you might have "low T."

31. You would rather let others die than let them merge in front you.

32. You've had passionate, friendship-ending arguments about the merits of Fuel City's tacos.

33. You can say with a straight face that the Frito Pie at one of the restaurants you recently visited is far inferior to the Frito Pie at another restaurant you recently visited, but still better than the Frito Pie at a third restaurant you recently visited.

34. You think of people from different neighborhoods or neighboring suburbs as if they were members of a rival tribe.

35. You've seen Dirk Nowitzki at Chipotle.

36. Your boobs have felt the touch of Jerry Jones' hands.

37. You know someone who has been on or worked behind the scenes for the show Cheaters.

38. You have gone through a rockabilly, roller derby or burlesque phase.

39. You told your boss you were gone for three hours at a long lunch with a client. The client was Pecan Lodge's Trough.

40. You think 99 degrees with a heat index of 130 degrees is patio weather.

41. You have been the I in BIG.

42. You haven't been to the top of Reunion Tower.

43. You're considering creating a Kickstarter for the tasting menu at The Mansion.

44. You dine at a nice mom-and-pop restaurant and immediately begin crunching numbers to test scalability while brainstorming better branding.

45. You think Moscow Mules are actually served on tap in blueberry, orange and bubble gum flavors.

46. You run over a pedestrian, shrug and hope nobody will notice.

47. You think walking on the Katy Trail qualifies as a nature hike.

48. You're thinking about moving back to the Village apartments.

49. You've been banned from The Goat by Karaoke Carmen.

50. You're still not sure what that recycling bin's for.


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