A Dog is Running for Mayor of Irving
But it's one thing to lob critiques of local government from the safe confines of the Internet. It's something else entirely to march into City Hall and register one's dog as Van Duyne's challenger in the upcoming mayor's race.
Hearing the growing community-yelping that a significant portion of council leadership has gone to the dogs, Dylan Westie, Executive Editor and Part-time Wordsmith for the [The Controversial Committee Report], has been gnawing over the possibility of running for Mayor of Irving. After due consideration, he has decided that it is time for a real Alpha dog to enter the fray and restore integrity, transparency and fairness by eliminating all the 'cat fighting' that has occurred in council meetings over the past several years.
"Dylan," Howard adds, "is the only candidate that can accurately state that he is a registered 'son of a bitch.' His official AKC registration number is RN04869502. Other politicians reflect this SOB-attitude, but can they provide proof of registration?"
Again, this is a thing that actually happened:
City assures me that Dylan Westie's run for Irving mayor is invalid. Many deficiencies with filing. Also he's a dog. http://t.co/SpFrPtgTc3— Avi Selk (@aviselk) February 18, 2014
Dylan is, however, the first to submit a filing for any city council position. Not even the incumbents rerunning have filed yet— Avi Selk (@aviselk) February 18, 2014
Irving City Secretary Shanae Jennings said Dylan's filing was seriously flawed. To run for mayor, a candidate needs at least 60 petition signatures; Dylan had just 13. The candidate also needs to be a registered voter; Dylan is not. The candidate's signature needs to be notarized; Dylan's was not.
"[Howard]'s well aware that dog's signature cannot be notarized, because a dog cannot sign something," said Irving City Secretary Shanae Jennings.
Perhaps the most glaring omission, however, was that Dylan's signature was just a regular signature, not an adorable little paw print.
"I was kind of was bummed about that," Jennings said, on behalf of everybody.
Dylan plans to challenge the city's refusal to place his name on the ballot by claiming discrimination based on "physical impairments (four legs vs. two); race (canine vs. human) and IQ (he can perform more 'tricks' with more enthusiasm than any candidate in the field)."
We don't follow Irving politics closely enough to truly understand the political satire. But we do understand that a dog is running for Irving mayor, and that's hilarious.
Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.
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