Actual Minds, Simulated Loads Blown At Last Night's Air Sex World Championships at Trees

"Cotton-Eyed Joe" has his way with an imaginary tree stump in the final round of Air Sex last night. We've got more photos in our slide show.
"Cotton-Eyed Joe" has his way with an imaginary tree stump in the final round of Air Sex last night. We've got more photos in our slide show.
Patrick Michels

An invisible lion, an invisible cow, and a whole cornucopia of simulated human partners got the go-rounds of their lives last night at Trees for Dallas' first-ever turn at the Air Sex World Championships. The fauxnication was graphic, titillating, and at times, a little bit disturbing. No, let's be fair: a lot bit disturbing. Like when "Jack The Dripper" (I KNOW) demonstrated a thoroughly necrophilic bang.

But the big winner was "Colin Oscopy," a tall, gangly dude whose first performance centered around a vigorous devirginizing of a mild-mannered nice guy. He competed with "Rick Ramrod" for a shot at the finals, participating in what emcee Chris Trew called a "fuck off," wherein Ramrod, while charismatic, just couldn't pull out in front of Colin's aw-shucks demeanor.

But just moments before the show was to start, Trew says he didn't know if the whole thing might go limp. Contestants who'd signed up before hand dropped out. Myself and my fellow judges -- Air Sex past champion Slut Truffle and improvisors Clay Barton and Amanda Austin of the Dallas Comedy House -- didn't know if we'd have any doin' it to dig on. In the end, Dallas didn't disappoint, with a number of competitors signing up well after they'd walked in the door.

Says Trew: "We walked into Dallas with a mere three people signed up. Didn't know what to expect. Moments before the show started a mob of contestants showed up ready to make pretend love on stage in front of a couple hundred people. The energy and the sex were both beautiful."

Our own Patrick Michels was there with his camera, and has plenty more photos in this slide show.


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