So, how much time do you plan to spend picking out your dad's Father's Day present this week? Two minutes? Five? Let's be honest: When it comes to filial affection, Dad gets the short end of the stick giftwise.
Still, you have to get the old man something. This year, may Buzz suggest some bullets? Nothing says, "I love you, Dad," better than a box of wad-cutters. Or so we gather from the creators of the 50-Million-Round March, which is scheduled for Sunday. The "march's" organizers--it's not really a march--are encouraging gun owners to exercise their Second Amendment rights and head out to their local shooting ranges. The hope is that all the families combined will fire off 50 million rounds in roughly a three-hour period in a leaden answer to the anti-gun Million Mom March held in Washington, D.C., and other cities on Mother's Day.
"They all plan on going to the range on Sunday, taking the family, dusting off the old musket," says Alan Korwin, co-author of The Texas Gun Owner's Guide, who is trying to spread the word about the shoot.
As much as Dad would appreciate having his musket dusted on Father's Day, odds are that he hasn't heard about the event. Korwin says that's because the mainstream press has pretty much ignored the 50-Million-Round Whatever.
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As an author, Korwin strives to combat what he sees as anti-gun bias in the media. We asked him what that meant, and he pointed out that newspapers are quick to print stories about people getting shot, but that you don't see similar stories about more common dangers, such as riding a bicycle.
"They keep featuring shootings to make guns unpalatable," he says.
Well, no one has ever knocked over a liquor store with a 10-speed Huffy, but nevertheless he's right. Reporters undergo an indoctrination in journalism school in which we are bound, Clockwork Orange-like, and subjected to brainwashing, forced to accept the liberal line (shooting people is bad) and ignore the many virtues of guns (they allow you to shoot people).
Anyone who thinks that journalists are capable of conspiring on anything should watch three reporters try to pick a place to eat lunch.
Still, Korwin has a point. Buzz searched the Lexis-Nexis news database and found no stories about the big shoot, which means either that there's bias afoot, or that encouraging people to go to a shooting range on Sunday is pretty lame political theater. You can get the straight skinny on the shoot yourself at www.50www.50mrmarch.com.
Oh, and for all you Pavlovian letter writers out there who feel compelled to write whenever you see the words "gun" in print, please note: Buzz owns a gun. It's tucked in a closet under a thick layer of dust. We're not comfortable with entirely dismantling the 2nd Amendment, but we would happily register our pistol if the law required it. And we don't think anyone needs a 30-round magazine and an assault rifle to protect his or her home, unless that home is in Kosovo.
Not that we're getting a big head or anything, but allow us to make this one, mildly prideful observation: Things would run a lot smoother in this city if you people would just listen to us.
OK, so maybe we're getting a little bit of a big head, but don't blame us, blame Dallas schools Superintendent Bill Rojas.
Last week, at a news conference at which he assured the city that he's not about to be fired by DISD trustees--an act also known as "whistling past a graveyard"--Rojas had this to say about his communication problems with the board:
"I haven't assimilated, culturally, as quickly as I could to the Southern style of doing things. I still remind people that I was born and raised in the Bronx on occasion too much."
Well, Bill, we love to say it, but we told you so. Last August, Buzz offered this advice to the incoming super:
"Buzz has a word of caution for new Dallas school Superintendent Bill Rojas: You're not in San Francisco or New York anymore, Bill. We Texans expect a touch of humility in our public servants."
Humility has not been what you'd call a hallmark of Rojas' tenure thus far, any more than chastity has been a hallmark of the Clinton administration.
Now, ordinarily, nothing annoys Buzz more than having our good counsel ignored, but we feel for Rojas. Having lived in Texas for only 15 years, we're far from being assimilated--and we're generally considered a nice person. Think how much harder it must be for Rojas, poor lad.
Don't worry, Bill. Buzz is here for you with some tips on how to assimilate to Texas:
1. Chicken-fried steak may taste like a piece of greasy gristle smothered in paste, but act as though you like it. They expect that.
2. The only people who should wear cowboy hats are ranchers and politicians.
3. Unless you're at a funeral or in a church, don't bother taking your hat off indoors.
4. Finally, it's better to be polite and tell a lie than to tell someone something they don't want to hear.
Compiled from staff reports by Patrick Williams
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