Herrman, Herrman & Guido
In the past, Buzz has wondered at a recent advertising trend that cleverly equates lawyers with stupid, vicious animals and destructive machines--you know, sharks, attack dogs, Sherman tanks. (We should point out that these violent and inane ads aren't diatribes against lawyers--they're promotional messages paid for by the attorneys .)

Now, one firm is running radio ads that make it sound like--in our litigious society, Buzz has to be very careful how we say this--vengeful mobsters out of a bad Mario Puzo novel. We, of course, mean that in a nice way.

The firm of Herrman & Herrman is trolling for accident victims on the Howard Stern show, paying Howard himself to pitch them as a firm that eschews fancy Latin legal gobbledygook in favor of plain English.

"They use language anyone can understand," says Howard, finishing with the kicker: "They don't just settle cases; they settle the score!"

Checking our lexicon of cliche street jive, "settle the score" is a phrase referring to revenge, as in "getting even" (best done with a "gat"). Could this mean that after the Herrman & Herrman torpedoes get your money out of the defendant's insurance company--they what? Knee-cap him?

And all this time, Buzz thought lawyers were invented to get away from that. How do you say knuckleheads in Latin?

Loncar gets tanked
While we're on the subject of lawyers, Latin, and tanks, we have to admit our faith in justice--or at least karma--has been restored.

Early one morning last week, none other than litigator Brian Loncar was seen in agitato flagrante over a minor fender bender in the middle of downtown. Few of us have escaped Loncar's famous television ads that feature him in a tank, either crushing a car or blowing it away with the cannon.

Unfortunately, Loncar must have left the Sherman in the carport last week. Though he was driving the next best thing, an olive-drab Chevy Suburban, the accident stopped the hard-driving attorney dead in his tracks. Hey Brian, we know some lawyers who speak a language anyone can understand...

...but somebody's gotta do it
Last week, Ron Kirk took another moonlighting job. Brinker International--famous for its restaurant chains including Chili's--invited Kirk to sit on Brinker International's board of directors. The mayor's presence should be helpful in smoothing out any problems--code changes, easements, etc.--between the city and his newest patron on issues concerning Brinker's dozens of eateries, including the overflowing Eatzi's in Oak Lawn.

In other mayoral news, Kirk left for Great Britain on a "pretty working trip," as he told the News. He's taking his wife along to help hold his nose to the grindstone.

As Kirk is quick to point out, this trip is not being paid for by Dallas taxpayers, but by the Brits. Leaving Buzz to wonder: What's in it for them? More suspiciously, the trip comes at a critical point in the sports arena negotiations. Maybe we'll all be eating bangers at Dallas' new cricket arena.

--Glen Warchol


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