Ratings madness
Earlier this month, KXAS-Channel 5 did a hilarious, dead-on send-up of television's penchant for hysterical coverage of dubious trend stories--particularly when it involves the use of hidden cameras and disguises--to pump up ratings during sweeps week.

In this case, Sabrina Smith, the perky blonde member of the Public Defenders who was brought in about a year ago from Mars, blew the lid off raves. Think hard and you'll remember that these underground parties were the cutting edge of hip in the early '90s.

Sabrina, absolutely stunning in a baseball hat-topped disguise, infiltrated one of the loud, jammed parties (apparently the Dallas scene is going through a nostalgia phase) and got video of young folks buying dope and snorting cocaine--at least that's what we were told was going on; the black-and-white sneakycam picture was too fuzzy to know for sure. But Sabrina assured us that if we looked real close we would see illicit acts.

The breathless reporters also had a police officer hold up an empty Ziplock bag scavenged from the scene of an outdoor rave to make the point that such bags are often used to package drugs.

How droll. Channel 5's parody was Reefer Madness, combined with the biting, over-the-top satire of Network.

It was a send-up, right?

Let's hope it's not last call
There will be no Goldschlager victory toasts or celebratory kegs being tapped at the University of Nebraska Lincoln this week. Just when we were about to tell Playboy magazine to update its annual Best Party School picks--the legendary list of the best colleges for keggers, tailgaters, chuggin', huggin', and other ivory tower pursuits--with UNL at the top, we got the sad news.

Former University of Texas at Arlington president and world-class partieee! animal Ryan Amacher won't be coming.

According to sources in Lincoln, Amacher was a candidate for UNL chancellor. You'll remember that Amacher resigned after an unflattering state audit of UTA finances, including his spending on parties--he'd racked up a $10,000 liquor tab over 18 months.

But Amacher was not among the finalists announced last week.
Unconfirmed word had it that, if appointed, Amacher planned to establish the Rob Lowe chair for party excellence in the Phys. Ed. department.

The smell of caps in the morning
In one of those events that reminds you why peaceniks have such a hard time being taken seriously, the Dallas Peace Center held a gun buy-back last weekend.

Before you start yelling about how gun buy-backs are useless publicity stunts for politicians that have no effect on crime, hold on. The Peace Center is buying back toy guns.

"Children are invited to bring a toy gun to exchange for a new, non-violent, constructive toy that has been donated," according to the press information.

Well, listen up, peace boys: You'll get our Super Soakers when you pry our cold, dead fingers off them.

--Glen Warchol


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