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At around 11 a.m. yesterday, Dallas police were called to the 2100 block of Hickory Street. Why? Funny I should ask. From the Daily Crime Report, quickly becoming the day's must-read missive, this assault: "SUSP HIT COMPL IN THE BACK WITH CHICKEN LEG, COMPL FELT OFFENDED." Or, as we call that around here, "Thursday." --Robert Wilonsky