The Dallas Morning Newsbroke the news over the weekend that the state of Texas is planning to kill off its least popular specialty license plates, and we couldn't be more thrilled. Not because we take perverse pleasure in the notion that Highland Park ISD could only find 66 drivers to pay $30 per year, roughly 0.03 percent the value of one of their kids' Porsches, to stick a "Go Scots" on their bumper. We are happy because government works best when it's contracted out to a third party and run on free market principles.
Only the strong survive in Texas, and, hate to break it to you State of Texas Alliance for Recycling, you are not among them. Kapow. That's the invisible hand swatting you away.
We were, however, dismayed to notice that Dr Pepper is also on the chopping block.
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How does this happen? How is it that the most Texan of non-alcoholic carbonated beverages, which, if it didn't help sustain the last defenders of the Alamo then definitely should have, failed to meet the 200-plate threshold put in place by the Texas Department of Motor Vehicles?
We fear the simplest explanation is probably the right one: Patriotism is dead. Everyone's too busy drinking naturally sweetened carbonated water and watching foreigners kick a ball around on TV to give a damn about Texas any more. It's a sad day when Texans will no longer pay a large corporation for the privilege of branding their car with a soft drink logo.
This probably means its time trade the F-150 in for a Nissan Leaf and start cooking slabs of meat in a normal convection oven. Now's as good a time as any to get around to becoming part of America. It's just disappointing it had to happen like this.
Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.